Lyrics Romance - Anthony Jeselnik

Romance

My girlfriend, wants me be a better person
So I can get a better girlfriend
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, whenever I meet a pretty girl
The first thing I look for is intelligence
Because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine
Couple of months ago I gave my girlfriend some fancy lengerie
She actually got mad at me…
Say Anthony I think this is more of a gift for you
Than it is for me…
And I said well, if you wanna get technical
It was originally a gift for my last girlfriend
Happy Valentine’s Day
Giving gifts is tough in any relationship I assume…
Like this past Christmas
I kept telling my girlfriend from months in advance, months
Baby all I want from you this year is an X-Box, that’s it
Beginning and end of list, X-Box
You know what she got me?
A homemade frame
With a picture of us from our first date together
Which was fine…
Because I got her an X-Box
I should’ve got her a chocolate
My girlfriend loves the chocolate
She’s always eating chocolate
She likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction
Like «Keep me away from those chocolate bars Anthony!
I’m addicted to them!»
And it is really annoying
So I put her in a car, and took her downtown
And I pointed out a crack addict and I said
«You see that honey?
Why can’t you be that skinny?»
You guys seem like nice people
I don’t wanna sound like a jerk here
But that joke usually gets a standing ovation