Lyrics This Is My Life - Reef The Lost Cauze

This Is My Life

In the December of '81, way before rhyme was relevant
A child was born during a winter storm to Evelyn
My pops was Eddie, I don’t really think he was ready
The nigga left me damn near as I came out the belly
From what they tell me from day one, I have always been heavy
Now weight wise, they say I have been here already
I’m starting to believe 'em
Sparking my weed and I’m coughing and wheezing
I talk with demons
Ghost and gremlins, swear to God I see 'em
In the back of my mind, I travel back and through time
When I was nine and I would practice this rhyme
But my step pops said «Stop, or get your head popped.»
If I did not I swear ock, he put me in headlocks
My feet dangling, just kicking his thighs
He’s 6'2″, I’m 3'5, eye to eye we knee high
See I, got pain bottled up so deep
And so much stress it’s like my first CD on repeat
Number nine when I rhyme and these herbs see me
Up on stage with all this rage, they like, «Hey look at Reef.»
Then I’m okay but when I lay at the end of the day
I’m dealing with grown man issues and I’m still underage
Under paid and overworked, I feel like I’m worthless
I kept these facts under wraps and now I pull back the curtains
To my situation, reverses these verses shall serve the purpose
Of cleansing my soul until it’s dirtless!
Yo
You don’t know what it’s like to be me
This is my life
And y’all swear I got it so easy
This is my life
But you don’t know the half believe me
The pain in my heart exceeds me, ask my nigga Sleep E
This is my life
So much stress, ain’t nothing changed dawg
This is my life
So I get high until my brain’s gone
This is my life
Until the pains gone, the same song then plays on in my head
Making my days long
This is my life
I stare at these questions
My rhymes are my homework
Comparing these lessons
Preparing for my weekly therapy sessions
Aggression and anger
Combined with a weak mind, that’s danger
The eyes of a painter trying to paint the eyes of a stranger
That’s why it’s hard for me to open my heart
When those that I let in just stepped in and broke in my heart
Not just women but those that claim to be my niggas
Pseudo fake father figure dudes, I figured you
Would try to reach me
Eventually you’ll try and leave me
But why did you leave me?
The only question to you I pose
I’m okay but I’m still alive, trying to survive
In this holocaust maze, spend my days in a daze
Wanting to fly away
It’s hard to stay focused
When these jokers in your face just to get paid
But yet my pockets is still flat
My knowledge is still intact but as years go by dawg I feel that
I’ll never make it
Record exec’s like «You're not good enough kid, face it.»
The next stop, hip hop sanctum
My mother’s basement
Remembering the good ole' days, I can’t take it
The possibility I never sign a deal
It didn’t matter now that I’m getting older
It’s getting colder I need a shield
A career, year two
I have to be known as the greatest rapper
Since the other two or massacred
At least they were famous
I’m popular to you but everywhere else I’m nameless
I guess that’s how the game is
The older I get, the younger I wish I still was
No longer deal drugs
But still get high to feel love
I’m real buzzed for a minute then it
Begins to escape me
These demons I push behind are forcing themselves to face me
Maybe I’m crazy
No I think I’m too sane for my own good
I know I zone hoods to find what makes me
Spit like this
And tick like that
And I flip like that
And if I fall I get right back
On the right track until I’m dead gone
But the only tracks are follow are the ones in my headphones
Yo
This 9 to 5 grind got my mind losing it’s juices
Come inside and you’ll find
That even though I’m popular and I know how to rhyme
Everything ain’t what it seems, I just know how to lie
To my peers for years but I can no longer hide
To that man in the mirror and when I look in his eyes
I see a child who has no idea of what he’s doing
Sometimes I wonder if this music will only lead to my ruin
What I’m pursing is to get rich
Doing rap songs
Old heads saying, «You ain’t that strong
You need something to fall back on.»
Here’s the dilemma
Losing life or become a winner
End up a working class stiff or flip back to sinner
Either way I feel the saga will never conclude
You need to know my views before you step in my shoes
My life’s become a full scale trauma of mass confusion
I have yet to scratch the surface, already I’m disillusioned
So either you part of the problem or offer a solution
Cause I people I used to love are now considered nuisances
It’s been proven
You dudes got no love for me
You place me on a pedestal and pull the rug from under me
It’s kind of sick these cowards will build my confidence
Only to hide their dominant prescience of their incompetence
It’s not that I’m being selfish, I’m not trying to share the wealth
But please don’t act like you ain’t in my life for yourself
I’m a rhyme stand out
Niggas hands out
They wanna kick it
Ride my back like Amtrak and I’m they ticket
Check your bags at the door along with your ego
Cause it wasn’t till The High Life that I talk to you people
Now I walk with you people
All of a sudden niggas acting like cousins and brothers
Motherfucker you play a part of nothing
Waiting for the moment for my career to start jumping
So you can be right there when the cheese begins to cutting
Here’s a percentage
Get the fuck away from me I’m finished
The jig is up
Give it up, just stop pretending
What a tangled web we weave
Got me trapped in the nonsense
But I will no longer ignore my conscious