| (From a distance I desired her
|
| Se-secretly admired her
|
| From a distance I desired her
|
| Se-secretly admired her)
|
| I stroll through the mall
|
| Running my finger along the wall
|
| I just left a restroom stall
|
| Got a strange way of moving
|
| Strange way of dressin'
|
| Strange way of making a, good first impression
|
| Member’s Only jacket, unidentified packet
|
| Sunglasses, jeans washed with acid, newspaper in the back
|
| I also got a dagger strapped to my leg
|
| But who knows what I’m gonna do with that
|
| A sick fuck without employment
|
| Hankering in every single shopping center for my own enjoyment
|
| I’m checking out a girl that’s fly
|
| She’s working at the MAC make-up counter, next to Best Buy
|
| Waiting by the elevator, tryna look busy
|
| So I can figure out what I’m gonna tell her later
|
| First time I met her I didn’t really meet her
|
| I was making change as she was purchasing a peter
|
| I gave her money back, she gave me a look
|
| Batted her, eyelashes that was all that it took
|
| Now she owes me, cause it’s obvious she wants me
|
| I’m looking at you, girl I must have you
|
| Cause you’re the one
|
| You are the unspoiled virgin bride
|
| You are the blonde canvas on which I will paint my future
|
| Don’t you remember you smiled at me once at the croissant tray
|
| Quirky and eccentric, I’m a true fiend
|
| I know her routine, her eyes are blue green
|
| I guess they’re contacts cause they used to be brown
|
| Plus I watched her get 'em at the optician downtown
|
| I’m always scoping her usually from far away
|
| She rides the silver Audi off to work everyday
|
| Except for Thursday she gets a ride from her mother
|
| Or some other dude 'til I kill that motherfucker
|
| Forget the narrative, I’m thinking horse drawn carriages
|
| And marriages, she likes to eat asparagus, so I think
|
| Cause it stinks when I’m hanging out
|
| At her bathroom sink, having a drink
|
| When she’s at the shrink
|
| Yo she never should’ve winked
|
| Now I got her name on my arm in ink
|
| I’m in her closet stroking her mink
|
| Looking for the missing link
|
| But all I find is Pink and N’Sync
|
| She’s sweet, sixteen and good, yet she’s calling me a creep
|
| Cause I’m sneaking through her backyard just to watch her sleep
|
| Rain snow or sleet, you gotta understand
|
| No matter where she goes, there I am, the stalker
|
| (From a distance I desired her
|
| Se-secretly admired her
|
| From a distance I desired her
|
| Se-secretly admired her)
|
| Alright wanna do what I do
|
| Listen this is how it goes
|
| Find out where she works, go online, do a search
|
| Dig up some dirt, put on a shirt, buy some Certs
|
| But look like a regular guy, don’t go berserk
|
| You whole goal’s to flirt, but for now you gotta lurk
|
| Pretend you’re a customer, grab yourself a map
|
| And throw an extra sweater in the bag from The Gap
|
| And keep a low pro, but don’t look conspicuous
|
| And don’t wear that Iceberg (why?), it looks ridiculous
|
| Grab a trench, find a bench near the wench
|
| Put your elbows on your lap and just sit there like that
|
| Nah, it sounds dreadful but find out her schedule
|
| If she gotta close, you gotta rock the janitor’s clothes
|
| And change thrash 'til your knees hurt
|
| Water plants in the short sleeve shirt till she leaves work
|
| And if she’s off at eleven?
|
| Be outside with your lights out and the engine revvin'
|
| Well, I realised recently that I’m getting older, and I, the way I knew this
|
| was that young teenage girls don’t even acknowledge me as a sexual being.
|
| Now don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that I wanna have sex with teenage
|
| girls, throw me a bone, you know, how about a smile, you know what I mean?
|
| Nothing, nothing unless it’s to turn to their friends and go. |
| «Why is that weird guy looking at us?». |
| (laughing) «What's he doing at the mall?
|
| We get to the food court, the guards there, run you guys». |
| (laughing) I lied,
|
| I lied, I lied, I, of course I wanna have sex with teenage girls,
|
| (laughing) doesn’t everyone? |
| (laughing even louder) I mean, that’s why there’s
|
| a law. |
| (everyone laughs) If no one wanted to do it, THERE WOULDN’T BE A LAW!
|
| (everyone laughs)
|
| Wait, do you think they pull 18 out of thin air? |