| I’m a Clinical psychologist and I spend
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| 20 hours a week for 25 years
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| Listening to people tell me about their lives
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| And those people were people who were just barely hanging on to the bottom of
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| the world
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| Up to people who were so successful you could hardly believe it
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| Being a clinical psychologist if you really listen is like
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| Being immersed in a Dostoevsky novel all the time
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| You know
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| Because it’s amazing what people tell you if you listen to them
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| Because they’re so peculiar like
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| They’re like penguins or rhinoceroses or ostriches
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| They’re unlikely creatures
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| Well you gotta improve right?
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| And you might think
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| Well, I’m a real fixer-upper and
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| I’m really embarrassed about that
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| Cause there are 50 things wrong with me
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| And Like look at that guy and
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| So now I feel all terrible because of the comparison and all of that
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| First of all, it’s unfair
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| Especially by the time you’re about 30
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| Your life has become quite idiosyncratic
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| Let’s say your life has eight dimensions
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| Family, friends, intimate relationships |
| You’re
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| Individually
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| Positioned in all those dimensions
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| Your life isn’t like anyone else’s life
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| And so, you see someone who’s doing better than you
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| It’s like you only see in one dimension at one slice of time
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| So it’s not reasonable
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| You don’t have the whole picture
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| And then you
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| Get down on yourself
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| And take the spirit out of yourself
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| And you get bitter and resentful
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| There’s nothing good about that
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| But you do need to improve
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| There’s not as much of you as there should be
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| So, what’s the comparison?
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| Well that’s easy
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| Just say okay well here’s my position
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| In time in space right now
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| Here’s my
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| Virtues and fault
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| I can be
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| A little bit better tomorrow
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| In some minor way
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| Well
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| That’s the right comparison
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| Cause you are very much like you
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| Everything is the same about you
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| And so, it’s the perfect comparison
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| You just don’t have insight into the tragedy of someone else’s life
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| You might think well he’s rich and successful
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| It’s like
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| Yeah but you just don’t know
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| You don’t know what his relationship is with his wife or his children |
| You know you don’t know that he’s gone through two divorces
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| And his daughter won’t talk to him
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| And one of his kids is schizophrenic and
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| The point is
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| You should be better than you are
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| But it’s not because you’re worse than other people
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| It’s because you’re not everything you should be
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| And so, you got to pick the comparison right
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| And then that’s also ennobling
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| And instantly hopeful
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| There is absolutely no doubt that you can be slightly better tomorrow than you
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| are today
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| There is definitely something that you can do today
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| That will make you slightly better
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| For the next day
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| Always
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| Okay
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| You’re 85
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| You have Alzheimer’s
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| You know
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| You’re done
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| Sometimes you’re done
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| Most of the time you’re not
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| And most of the time there’s something within your grasp that you could
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| Put right
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| See that’s the fundamental issue
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| It’s like, life is tragic
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| It’s full of suffering and it’s full of malevolence
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| There’s no doubt about that
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| And it’s brutal
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| And it’s more brutal than you can even imagine in some ways
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| Or willing to imagine |
| But there’s something you could put right
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| And we don’t know what would happen if you put everything you could right
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| If you put it right
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| And then we don’t know what would happen if everyone did that
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| But you can be certain that it would be less tragic
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| And less malevolent and so
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| Like
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| You don’t have anything better to do (Distorted) |