Lyrics The Illinois Enema Bandit - Frank Zappa

The Illinois Enema Bandit

And now folks its time for don pardo to deliver our special illinois enema
bandit-type announcement take it away, don
«this is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around chicago
This is the story of michael kenyon
A man whos serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery
It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on Michael kenyon
The illinois enema bandit!»
The illinois enema bandit
I heard hes on the loose
I heard hes on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women…
Boy, hed just be tyin em up
(theyd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin every one of em up with all the bag fulla
The illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin every one of em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin every one of em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin every one of em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice
The illinois enema bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington illinois… he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The illinois enema bandit
One day hell have to pay
One day hell have to pay
The police will say, «youre under arrest!»
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The d.a.
will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then theyll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, «no poo-poo jokes!»
Then theyll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin «dont nobody have no sympathy…
Hot soap water in the first degree!»
And then the bandit might say, «why is everybody looking at me?
«Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this kinda misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: «let the bandit be!»
Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty?
tell me now, whats
Your plea?
Another girl shout: «let the fiend go free!»
Are you guilty?
bandit, did you do these deeds?
The bandit say, «it must be just what they all needs…»
«it must be just what they all needs…»
«it must be just what they all needs…»
«it must be just what they all needs…»
«it must be just what they all needs…»
«it must be just what they all needs…»
Etc. repeat
Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema