
Date of issue: 01.05.2006
Age restrictions: 18+
Song language: English
Rosetta Stoned |
Alright then, picture this if you will: |
10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes, in my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51. |
Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thing with just a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. |
Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my Birkenstocks, and me yelping... |
Holy fucking shit! |
Then the X-Files being, looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan with Isabella Rossellini lips and breath that reeked of vanilla Chig Champa, |
Did a slow-mo Matrix descent out of the butt end of the banana vessel and hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip and all I could think was: "I hope Uncle Martin here |
doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin' pants." |
So light in his way, |
Like an apparition, |
He had me crying out, |
"Fuck me. |
It's gotta be |
Deadhead Chemistry. |
The blotter got right on top of me. |
Got me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!" |
And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. |
revealed to me his singular purpose. |
He said, "You are the Chosen One, the One who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it and a warning for those who do not." |
Me. |
The Chosen One? |
They chose me! |
And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school. |
You'd better... |
You'd better... |
You'd better... |
You'd better listen |
Then he looked right through me |
With somniferous almond eyes. |
Don't even know what that means |
Must remember to write it down. |
This is so real. |
Like the time Dave floated away. |
See my heart is pounding, |
'Cause this shit never happens to me. |
Can't breathe, right now! |
It was so real. |
Like I woke up in Wonderland. |
All sort of terrifying. |
I don't wanna be all alone when I tell this story. |
And can anyone tell me why |
You all sound like Peanuts parents |
Will I ever be coming down? |
This is so real. |
Finally it's my lucky day. |
See my heart is racing, |
'Cause this shit never happens to me. |
Can't breathe, right now! |
You believe me, don't you? |
Please believe what I just said, see the Dead ain't touring. |
And this wasn't all in my head. |
See they took me by the hand and invited me right in, |
Then they showed me something. |
I don't even know where to begin. |
Strapped down my bed. |
Feet cold and eyes red. |
I'm out my head. |
Am I alive, am I dead? |
Can't remember what they said. |
God damn. |
Shit the bed! |
High... I I I I I... high... I I I I I |
High |
Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position. |
Such a heavy burden now to be the one. |
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending |
To write it down for all the world to see. |
But I forgot my pen, |
Shit the bed again, |
Typical. |
Strapped down my bed. |
Feet cold and eyes red. |
I'm out my head. |
Am I alive, am I dead? |
Sunkist and Sudafed, |
Gyroscopes and infrared. |
Won't help, brain dead. |
Can't remember what they said. |
God damn. |
Shit the bed! |
I can't remember what they said to me. |
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be a hero! |
Can't remember what they said. |
Bob help me. |
Can't remember what they said. |
Don't know. |
Won't know. |
God damn. |
Shit the bed! |