| What we need in the world today
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| Is a guide for the married man
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| Some simple thing that in every way
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| Would provide for the harried man
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| Help him not to worry
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| Assist him to relax
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| Help him slow his heart rate
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| And spare him cardiacs
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| Such a guide would in many ways
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| Turn the tide for the married man
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| Enable husbands to fill their days
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| As only the married can
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| Every man would praise it
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| It’s such a splendid plan
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| Someday soon we shall point with pride
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| To the guide for the married man
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| By the side of the married man
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| 'Tis the lady who shares his life
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| You help the bride of the married man
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| By removing the husband’s strife
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| Every wife who’s truthful
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| Who treasures married bliss
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| Must keep her husband youthful
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| What better way than this?
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| Each and every device we know
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| Must be tried for the married man
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| But who can question the debt he’ll owe
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| To the guide for the married man
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| List things universal
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| From Pittsburgh to Japan
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| Every man can be satisfied
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| By the guide for the married man |