| What do you want from life
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| To kidnap an heiress
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| or threaten her with a knife
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| What do you want from life
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| To get cable TV
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| and watch it every night
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| There you sit
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| a lump in your chair
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| Where do you sleep
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| and what do you wear
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| when you’re sleeping
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| What do you want from life
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| An Indian guru
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| to show you the inner light
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| What do you want from life
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| a meaningless love affair
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| with a girl that you met tonight
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| How can you tell when you’re doin' alright
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| Does your bank account swell
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| While you’re dreaming at night
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| How do know when you’re really in love
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| Do violins play when you’re touching the one
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| That you’re loving
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| What do you want from life
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| Someone to love
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| and somebody that you can trust
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| What do you want from life
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| To try and be happy
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| while you do the nasty things
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| you must
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| Well, you can’t have that, but if you’re an American citizen you are entitled
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| to:
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| a heated kidney shaped pool,
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| a microwave oven--don't watch the food cook,
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| a Dyna-Gym--I'll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,
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| a kingsize Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,
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| a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,
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| real simulated Indian jewelry,
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| a Gucci shoetree,
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| a year’s supply of antibiotics,
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| a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
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| and Bob Dylan’s new unlisted phone number,
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| a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,
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| Rosemary’s baby,
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| a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,
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| a new Matador,
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| a new mastadon,
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| a Maverick,
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| a Mustang,
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| a Montego,
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| a Merc Montclair,
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| a Mark IV,
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| a meteor,
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| a Mercedes,
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| an MG,
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| or a Malibu,
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| a Mort Moriarty,
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| a Maserati,
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| a Mac truck,
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| a Mazda,
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| a new Monza,
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| or a moped,
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| a Winnebago--Hell, a herd of Winnebago’s we’re giving 'em away,
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| or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,
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| a Las Vegas wedding,
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| a Mexican divorce,
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| a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,
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| or a baby’s arm holding an apple? |