| You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees!
 | 
| The original conjuring cat
 | 
| (There can be no doubt about that)
 | 
| Please, listen to me, and don’t scoff.
 | 
| All his Inventions are off his own bat.
 | 
| The greatest magicians have something to learn
 | 
| From Mister Mistoffelees' conjuring turn
 | 
| And we’ll all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees
 | 
| He is quiet, he is small, he is black
 | 
| From the ears to the tip of his tail
 | 
| He can creep through the tiniest crack
 | 
| He can walk on the narrowest rail
 | 
| He can pick any card from a pack
 | 
| He is equally cunning with dice
 | 
| He is always deceiving you into believing
 | 
| That he’s only hunting for mice
 | 
| He can play any trick with a cork
 | 
| Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
 | 
| If you look for a knife or a fork
 | 
| And you think it is merely misplaced
 | 
| You have seen it one moment and then it’s gone!
 | 
| But you find it next week lying on the lawn
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Well! | 
| My manner is vague and aloof
 | 
| You would think there was nobody shyer
 | 
| But voice has been heard on the roof
 | 
| When I was curled up by the fire
 | 
| And I’ve sometimes been heard by the fire
 | 
| When I was about on the roof
 | 
| At least they all heard that somebody purred
 | 
| Which is uncontestable proof of my singular magical powers
 | 
| And I’ve known the family to call me in from the garden for hours
 | 
| While I was asleep in the hall
 | 
| And not long ago this phenomenal cat
 | 
| Produced seven kittens right out of a hat
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| And not long ago this phenomenal cat
 | 
| Produced seven kittens right out of a hat
 | 
| And we all say
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Oh! | 
| Well I never was there ever
 | 
| A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
 | 
| Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the magical Mr. Mistoffolees |