| I dream that one day i’ll have a child
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| And that child will say to me «dad, what was war?»
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| But it’s not going to happen
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| Oi the reason girls flirt is to work out their worth
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| Whereas men just hanker for the panky to happen
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| Retain this fact i’m hammering, this fact is gonna matter
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| What little you think you’re letting by her sly
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| She senses you’re near her and smells your desire
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| The general rule of mine, her intellect will be higher
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| Your task is to make her notice you fast but hanker when you don’t close in
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| after
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| She knows she can get most dudes but she mustn’t know about you
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| If you screw this all up and then lose all your cool thats when she ends up
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| liking you as a friend
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| You’re not playing at hard to get
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| You’re playing at not getting a hard-on yet
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| And you wanna know what, listen.
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| The answer is to get close enough to her but listen the next thing you just
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| totally blank her
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| You think i’m fucking mad don’t ya but i don’t shag on my own
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| Get somewhere close to the lamb but then glance and turn to the man
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| You need to get near to the lamb but she doesn’t want to feel cramped
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| Instead of cowering up to the hostile lamb bowl up to the trusting man
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| It’s much easier talking to him, he doesn’t suspect you want anything
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| Just tell him something like
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| Did you know cigarette lighters were invented before matches?
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| It’s abc making a he break with glee
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| 'Cos he isn’t suspicious you’re trying to muscle into his misses
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| Do you know what i’m talking about that’s why i’m talking about
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| The woman is a highly socially-practised
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| Master in body language, dab-handed actress
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| She’s calculating all the mad facts and the figures
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| While you’re pretending to listen staring at her tits
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| Elementary, my dear cousin, elementary
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| I cannot state this enough
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| She must not clock your flop
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| You can’t placard your march
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| Your threws seclude your moves
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| Or you’re colluding well weapon
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| It’s a war of the sexes never get it blud
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| I beg that you learn 'cause she’s clever
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| How attracted to you she is is partly your gab
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| But it’s multiplied by how little of you she can have
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| And remember not to get hammered either
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| 'Cause people who get hammered don’t get to nail |