| i hate my band they are what i am they’re filthy deceitful from fire to pan
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| and when i look back on what they’ve done to my life
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| they’ve cost me my dog, my job, and my wife
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| i hate my band more than you could know
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| they take yer mother and coercer to sew
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| the holes in their socks and even their kilts
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| they’ve spoiled the mil before it’s been spilt
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| but don’t get me wrong they’re goods lads at heart
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| halos and horns, they got pitchforks and harps
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| i’m singin' you the story so that it be told
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| i toured as a young man, they made me old
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| i hate my band it’s always the same
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| they waste all my time and they force me to play
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| when the concert is over the music is done
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| we constantly battle cuz 'it's half the fun
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| but don’t get me wrong they’re goods lads at heart
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| halos and horns, they got pitchforks and harps
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| i’m singin' you the story so that it be told
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| i toured as a young man, they made me old
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| i hate my band for all and for one
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| if we didn’t sing it there’d be nae song at all
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| when finally alone and safe in my grave
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| i comfort to know that i may have escaped
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| so do me a favor when i’ve played my hand
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| inscribe on my tombstone «i hate my band.» |