| As martin said to xanthe
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| As they played with wooden toys
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| You may have wendy’s playhouse
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| But where the heel’s your boys?
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| As paul said to fifi
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| As they eyed each other up You may have better plimsoles
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| But you can’t pee standing up And I’d like to take the time to bite
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| Their neck and make it bleed
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| Or maybe I could cut holes in their
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| Daddy’s harris tweed
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| And I can’t put my finger on it Maybe it’s something in their food
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| And I cna’t put my finger on it All I know is christ would’ve sued
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| As sharon said to jamie
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| As they sat down for a chat
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| If you think I’m cooking dinner
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| Well, prepare to eat dead rat
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| As debbie said to alex
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| As they held hands in the park
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| How come you wear rupert check
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| When you think you’re so hard
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| I should’ve done his land rover
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| To let him know I’d been
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| Instead I wrote f' off
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| On the dirt across his screen
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| And I can’t put my finger on it Maybe it’s something in their food
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| And I cna’t put my finger on it All I know is christ would’ve sued
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| I wish I’d let them know that I was here
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| A drop of arsenic in the wine
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| Sulphuric acid in the beer |