Lyrics If I Was Gay - The Friendly Indians

If I Was Gay

Well I think that I would start the day
By ironing my clothes
Take the tweezers from the bathroom
Pull the hairs out of my nose
Throw out all my old sweatshirts
Buy a brand new paisley vest
Then carefully I’d match my socks
To my accoutrements
I’d pay to see a Barbara Streisand play
And I’d think of lots of funny things to say
And these are all the things I’d do today
If I was gay
If I was gay
I’d call my girlfriend up
And tell her I had some bad news
I’d join the Scientologists
So I could meet Tom Cruise
I’d promptly throw my Playboy magazines
Into the trash
Stand naked in the mirror
And I’d stare at my own ass
Andrew Lloyd Webber would make me cry
And I’d watch a lot of Magnum P.I.
And maybe I would even kiss a guy
If I was gay
If I was gay
My speech patholgist wouldn’t understand
Erasure would be my favorite band
And life, it wouldn’t be so bland
Don’tcha think
If I was gay
If I was gay
If I was
If I was gay