| If heaven doesn’t look like your apartment I don’t want to go
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| If the floor isn’t covered in records and cat hair
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| I’d just as soon stay home
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| If the sheets don’t smell of cigarette smoke
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| If the dishes aren’t piled up high
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| Then I just don’t care much about where I’m going when I die
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| If I die tonight, I hope the hearse lets me off at your place
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| If I die tonight, I hope the hearse lets me off at your place
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| If you can’t get to heaven in the passenger seat of your Dodge conversion van
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| Then I guess I’m just going to have to keep on living as long as I possibly can
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| If the pearly gates don’t flash with the neon of a roadside motel
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| Then I’ll take my hand and keep on driving till we get back to this hell
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| If I die tonight, I hope the hearse lets me off at your place
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| Baby it’s so right
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| You can stay with me tonight
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| I can be over in an hour
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| Can you bring a little whiskey?
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| I hope nothing happens between now and then
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| If I die tonight
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| If heaven doesn’t look like your mothers guestroom I don’t want to go
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| If there’s no one around to play me big star records and run my bath real slow
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| If you ain’t there to sing me to sleep when I close my eyes so tight
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| Then I just don’t think it’s such a good idea for us to go to sleep tonight
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| If I die tonight
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| I hope the hearse lets me off at your place
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| If I die tonight
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| I hope the hearse lets me off at your place |