| Stephen said to get you a gnome trap
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| So it could defend your lawn
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| Lauren said it would be really cool to use
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| Your lyrics in a song
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| Adriana said sea monkeys
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| Or maybe a chainsaw
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| Whit thought it’d be really cool to
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| Give you a pig in a jar
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| A life sized voodoo doll
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| And a bald cat for licking
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| All my friends made a list
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| Told me you’d want these gifts
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| It’s Christmas what should I buy you
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| It’s Christmas what will I get you
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| I asked all of my messed-up friends
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| They gave me the best suggestions Oh yeah
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| Schwann said to get a giraffe named peanut
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| Jon said a bass and a strap
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| Chris said to get 12 monkeys as santa
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| Doing the monster mash
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| Susan said a chocolate pudding pedicure
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| Or maybe a brain transplant
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| Thom suggested body paint and some whipped cream
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| Is that too much to ask
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| A bottle of whiskey
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| Or some wasabi dried peas
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| All my friends made a list
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| Told me you’d want these gifts
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| Who am I kidding
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| What do they know
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| I should just wrap myself up in a big red bow
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| A ninja bunny hat
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| A picture signed by Joan Jett
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| All my friends made a list
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| Told me you’d want these gifts |