| I fell upon a Tuesday
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| When I had just got down to work
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| And everything went grey
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| So I caught a bus Wednesday
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| Thought a vacation well deserved
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| And all my edges frayed
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| Address your letters to:
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| Midlist author (midlist author)
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| You’re never the best but you’re never the worst
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| Why even bother (even bother)
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| You’ll never be last but you’ll never be first
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| Have another taste of fame
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| When they mispronounce your name
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| When they mispronounce your name
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| Strolled along the seaside
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| Among all the vulgar cheering crowds
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| And a boy cries for his dog
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| Stolen by a riptide (stolen by a riptide)
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| His mother explains he’s surely drowned
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| As he weeps upon a log
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| And all my readers sing, oh
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| Midlist author (midlist author)
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| You’re never the best but you’re never the worst
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| Why even bother (even bother)
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| You’ll never be last but you’ll never be first
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| Maybe one more glass of wine
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| Will make everything seem fine
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| Maybe everything will seem fine
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| And nobody’s taking chances
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| Oh, but those, all those dwindling advances
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| Get you down
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| They get you down…
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| Shuffling homeward
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| I checked the receiver on the phone
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| No messages returned
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| So I started up a new thing (started up a new thing)
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| Something about the sea, a boy, and his dog
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| And these were the first words:
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| «Dedication TK»
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| Oh, midlist author (midlist author)
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| You’re never the best but you’re never the worst
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| Why even bother (even bother)
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| You’ll never be last but you’ll never be first
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| Maybe novel twenty-two
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| Will make them all remember you |