| Well I’ve been a Sunday driver noo for many’s a happy year
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| And I’ve never had my Morris Minor oot o' second gear
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| I can drive at fifty miles an hoor on motorway or track
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| With me wife up front beside me and her mother in the back
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie Jean
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| In a crowd of fifty trippers you can always pick me oot
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| By my Don’t blame me, I voted Tory sticker on the boot
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| Wi' my bunch of heather stickin' in ma radiator grille
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| And me stick-on transfer bullet holes and licence for tae kill
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie Peg
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| I’ve a hundred plastic pennants for to tell you where I’ve been
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| And my steering wheel is clad in simulated leopard-skin
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| Up front fae the drivin' mirror hangs a plastic skeleton
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| And in the back a dog wi' eyes that flicker off and on!
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie May
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| I always drive as though my foot was restin' on the brake
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| And I weave aboot the road just so’s ye cannae overtake
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| I can get ye sae frustrated that ye’ll finish up in tears
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| And the sound of blarin' motor horns is music to my ears!
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie Liz
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| Now if ye wonder how these weekly trips I can afford
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| It’s because I’m on a stipend from the Scottish Tourist Board
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| You’re supposed tae enjoy the scenery, the finest of it’s kind
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| And that is why I have a convoy followin' behind!
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie Rose
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| There’s just no way of escaping me, no matter how ye seek
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| For the simple fact that I’m a traffic warden through the week
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| I’m boostin' my efficiency, and here’s my master plan
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| I’m savin' up my pennies for to buy a Caravan
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| And Auntie Gertrude
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| There was me and my daddy and my daddy’s mammy
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| And her sister’s Granny and four of her chums
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| Yer gaun too fast |