| Chameleon, chameleon
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| What’s on your mind?
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| I’ve been sitting in my hot tub and I’ve been watching for a long, long time
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| Belly on the red hot cement
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| A foot from the
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| Cat crouching behind you, hiding in the long blades of grass
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| You don’t know but I’m about to find out which one of you is more fast
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| I’m sitting still as a turkey, hun
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| Don’t want to fuck up this scene
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| The cat lunged forward
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| And its mouth was the green chameleon
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| Tail dripping out the left, head dripping out the right
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| A nice, succulent meal for the cat
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| He’s gonna sleep like a baby tonight
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| Chameleon ain’t gonna sit on no more fences
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| He’s in the cats bowels, the cat’s licking his lips
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| Thirst quenched
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| No more blending into agave plants or dried, brown dirt
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| Or sitting in the sun by the pool looking at the black ants
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| Now I’m driving down the 80 towards Sacramento
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| Past Vacaville, that once housed Roman Polanski and Charles Manson, you know
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| And now I’m driving down the 80 towards Sacramento
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| Capital of California and the birthplace of Diego Corrales
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| God rest his soul
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| Now I’m driving down the 80 towards South Lake Tahoe
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| Folsom Prison on the right
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| Dust devil right there in my sight
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| Now I’m approaching Old Hangtown, they hung bad guys there during the Gold Rush
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| I love Gold Rush history and all that old Western stuff
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| On June 2nd, 1851
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| James Wang was captured in Centerville, California by bounty hunter Robert Lee
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| Himmel. |
| Wang, wanted dead or alive for the murder of Jack H. Moldy,
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| was brought into the town of Hangtown by Robert Lee and three of his men by
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| stagecoach. |
| Moldy was reportedly bludgeoned to death with miner’s picks by
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| James Wang and three other fugitives, who, according to Wang, fled to Oklahoma.
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| Moldy had apparently slept with Julia White, the daughter of John B.
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| White, copper tycoon of Butte, Montana. |
| Julia White was allegedly the
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| obsession and love interest of James Wang. |
| Wang was hung in Hangtown on June
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| 10th 1851 at 10:00 AM. |
| His last words were «cut this rope, you bastards.
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| «He was pronounced dead at 10:17 AM June 10
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| Now I’m back on the 80, sign for Lake Berryessa
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| The Zodiac did a murder there, man, I’m obsessed with it
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| And yeah, a Hillside Strangler got married over there in Folsom Prison
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| I watched tons of videotapes on the guys and, yeah man, I’m fascinated with
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| both of them
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| I drive down the 80, past San Pablo Dam
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| I used to pull catfish out of there in the summertime
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| Bring 'em home and fry 'em up in a pan
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| I drive down the 80, past Gentleman Jack
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| Past the C&H Sugar factory, crossing the Carquinez Bridge
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| Now I’m driving down the 80
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| I see the Yolo Fruit Stand
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| I’m gonna grab me a bag of oranges and some apples and a bag of pecans
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| Now I’m driving down the 50, past Pollock Pines
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| Got me a log cabin out there right on the snow line
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| And out on my acres, got me a pond of ducks
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| Kid goes fishing on my property, man
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| Good fucking luck
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| 'Cause down in my pond, tied down with a ton of bricks
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| Is a dead guy bashed over the head with a guitar and stuck with an ice pick
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| On June 10th, 2016
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| Burt Clossin turned himself into authorities unarmed and led police to the body
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| of Dad Rock Slowhand Simpleton. |
| Simpleton was an Eric Clapton impersonator who
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| had recorded two albums in his forty-five years. |
| He was known for embracing a
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| musical style known as yacht rock or, in other circles, dad rock.
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| Bert’s log cabin was subsequently searched. |
| His walls were graffitied with the
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| word «Loser.» |
| A small CD collection was found, including compact discs by Pete
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| Yorn, Jet, Hot Hot Heat, Veruca Salt, Temple of the Dog, The Donnas,
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| and Thirty Seconds to Mars. |
| All CDs were still in the shrink wrap, unopened,
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| except for Hot Hot Heat. |
| Burt’s flip-phone was filled with texts to a 666 area
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| code phone number, once a Louisiana prefix. |
| All texts said, «Go away.
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| «His phone was also filled with photos of cats and payphones. |
| The objects used
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| to kill his victim were a '59 reissued Les Paul guitar made by Epiphone and an
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| antique ice pick bought at an Alameda flea market. |
| No other weapons were found
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| in the cabin. |
| Other items collected were a 24-inch flat-screen TV,
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| boxing blooper videotapes, a VCR, and sports clothing designed by Under Armour.
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| Burt Clossin is now serving a triple life sentence plus five years for the
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| death of Dad Rock Slowhand Simpleton in California’s Corcoran Prison.
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| Burt claimed that his motive for the murder was triggered by Simpleton’s
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| singing voice, which, according to Burt, sounded too much like, quote, «The guy who sang «Wonderful Tonight.» |
| «Wonderful Tonight,» an Eric Clapton
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| ballad from the album Slowhand was Burt’s 7th grade sweetheart’s favorite song.
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| «She dumped me,» Burt told investigators, «for a rich kid with a pontoon boat. |