| In the morning, I went to the breakfast area in Ghent. |
| Jet-lagged, at 6:
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| 50 in the morning, the woman said «Hey, I’m not open yet.» |
| We got to talking,
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| she said «Excuse me, sir, but you look very tired.»
|
| «It's cause I stayed up late, not because of cocaine or anything,
|
| it’s just the way my internal clock is constantly being unwired.»
|
| She said «Where you from?»
|
| I said «The USA»
|
| She started cracking up, I said «Hey, why are you laughing at me?»
|
| She said «I'm not laughing at you, I’m laughing at the country from where you
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| came.»
|
| She said «I'm not laughing at you, I’m laughing at the country from where you
|
| came.»
|
| «I'm not laughing at you, I’m laughing at the country from where you came.»
|
| She said «I'm not laughing at you, I’m laughing at your country.»
|
| People ask me in my country «What does the rest of the world think of the USA?
|
| «Said «Same thing that they always did, they think we’re stupid and insane.
|
| Goes back to Columbine, and Reagan, and Nixon, and Viet Nam, and George Bush,
|
| and shock and awe campaign. |
| It’s always been the same since the first time I
|
| ever boarded a plane to get across an ocean. |
| They think our country is insane.
|
| They look at me crooked when I am in Finland, and Portugal, Norway, and Spain.
|
| Americans say «Really? |
| They always thought that way of us?» |
| They ask me
|
| holding their plastic Big Gulps, I say «Yeah, they think we’re a bunch of
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| uneducated, fat, Mountain Dew drinking, fast food eating dumbasses.
|
| Once I said to a promoter «You imported me, right? |
| So we’re responsible for
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| many beautiful things.» |
| He said «Yeah, but you guys also shot John Kennedy and
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| Martin Luther King.» |
| I said «Well, one day of this conversation,» I was saying «And by the way, we’re responsible for Lou Reed, who are you responsible for?
|
| Sting?» |
| He said «Well, we also exported Led Zeppelin, David Bowie,
|
| and The Beatles.» |
| I said «Well, you got me there. |
| I give up. |
| We’re responsible
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| for Michael Bolton, Steely Dan, and The Eagles.»
|
| «You better start swimming, or you’ll sink like a stone.» |
| Bob Dylan said that
|
| «For the loser now will be later to win.» |
| Bob Dylan said that
|
| «Don't criticize what you can’t understand.» |
| Bob Dylan said that
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| «Fuck hate culture, let’s rise above. |
| Let’s come together and show each other
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| love.» |
| I said that
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| «I love you all, I love you all, I love you all. |
| I love you too,
|
| ghost girl in the elevator, hearing voices in the hall.» |
| I said that
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| «If you see somebody hungry, and sleeping in the gutter, hold them in your arms
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| and tell them that you love them, for they’re all your sisters and your
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| brothers.» |
| I said that
|
| So I went to breakfast room the next day very well rested. |
| I said «How do I look today?» |
| And she studied my eyes so closely, if she were a doctor
|
| and I were being tested. |
| She said «Looks like you slept too much,
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| and this is also not healthy.»
|
| I said «Where you from?»
|
| She said «Romania»
|
| I said «What part?»
|
| She said «Transylvania.»
|
| I asked «Hey, what brings you here to Ghent?»
|
| She said «My husband is Italian, my son is three. |
| What is this? |
| Why?
|
| Are you interviewing me?»
|
| I said «I was just wondering how someone ends up in Ghent from Transylvania.»
|
| She said «Well you’re here. |
| And where are you from exactly?»
|
| I said «The state where the kids at Kent Station were killed west of
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| Pennsylvania.»
|
| She said «Do you mind if I say: You show signs of megalovania»
|
| I said «I don’t mind. |
| Can I sit down now? |
| It’s 6:59.»
|
| She said «OK. |
| What can I get you?»
|
| I said «Nothing. |
| I still got my bottle of water from the plane. |
| I flew over on
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| Lufthansa.»
|
| She said «Yeah, drink lots of water» and we talked about the heat.
|
| We talked about the August heat and the European heat wave
|
| I said «Every time I play Belgium in the summer, it’s usually pissing rain.»
|
| She said «Yeah, this is the worst heat wave we’ve had since 1978.»
|
| I said «Yeah, and my hotel has no AC.»
|
| And she said «Poor thing.»
|
| We played our concert in Ghent on a bar on a beautiful blue telecaster.
|
| And I asked the guy who owned it «Can I ask you a question», he said «Sure,
|
| Mark, ask me anything, I’ll give you an answer» |
| I said «This is the nicest Telecaster I’ve ever played. |
| Is there any chance I
|
| can buy it from you?»
|
| He said «Well, this is your answer, I can’t sell it to you. |
| This was my
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| father’s and he passed it on to me before he passed of bone cancer.»
|
| I left the hotel at one o’clock in the morning, all the street fare stands were
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| closing. |
| But there was a group of Flemish people standing around a guy who
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| barbequeing something that looked and smelled so good, I don’t have to open my
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| mouth. |
| For Europeans, a known American, my belly gives it away and so do my
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| baggy clothes. |
| It doesn’t matter the size and shape of people in Europe,
|
| they all wear very tight clothes
|
| Anyhow, I asked a group of people hanging around the barbeque «How do I order?
|
| «The barbeque guy laughed at me and pointed at the three ladies in aprons
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| standing on the street corner
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| They said «How many do you want? |
| He is closing.»
|
| I said six, and everybody laughed. |
| One lady said «You can only have four»
|
| holding four fingers up to my face. |
| So I went and stood with the people and
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| the cook, who looked at me twice, and said two words in Flemish that had
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| everybody busting up laughing. |
| My guess is that he said «Stupid American».
|
| My guess is that he said «Stupid American». |
| Even if they were laughing at my
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| expense, I didn’t care and I laughed along with them. |
| USA’s a laugh, OK,
|
| I was too tired to defend where I live. |
| This country is a laugh, and I’m sorry,
|
| but again, I was too tired to defend where I live. |
| I mean, what did we invent?
|
| I was thinking the iPhone, MySpace, OKCupic? |
| No wonder everyone in the rest of
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| the world thinks we’re all so fucking stupid. |
| I mean, Buffalo invented Buffalo
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| wings, and to me that’s a very cool thing. |
| But at a certain point Buffalo wings
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| are heart attack makers so Buffalo had to invent another thing called the
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| pacemaker. |
| What a wonderful contribution to our world. |
| Kids are committing
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| suicide because they’re being cyberbullied thanks to inventions created by
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| nerds. |
| Trump is rallying troops via an invention created by nerds
|
| Oh, let me guess, when you listen to music, these are not the kind of words you
|
| want to listen to. |
| You’d rather listen to Eight Miles High by The Birds,
|
| but you don’t want to listen to music at all, you want to binge out on some TV
|
| series or another. |
| There’s so many networks now, it’s all a blur.
|
| Amazon, Netflix, iTunes, HBO, Showtime, Hulu. |
| I ain’t pointing fingers,
|
| I watch Finding Joseph too. |
| And Mark Duplass is my friend, so I watch Creep 1
|
| and I watch Creep 2
|
| I need to know I’m loved, fucking off in the morning, at my favorite meal
|
| «I need eyes looking at me as if there is no other loves on Earth.
|
| «James Kavanaugh said that
|
| «I love America more than any other country in this world and exactly for this
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| reason. |
| I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.» |
| James Baldwin said
|
| that
|
| «I'm wanna say one thing to the American people. |
| I want you to listen to me.
|
| I’m gonna say this again. |
| I did not have sexual relations with that women,
|
| Miss Lewinsky.» |
| Bill Clinton said that
|
| «When Donald Trump becomes president, we will all face reality TV, and Twitter,
|
| and Google, and video games, and everything that has turned this country into
|
| a bunch of dumbed down slaves to technology.» |
| I said that
|
| It was fucking hot out. |
| I knew they were laughing at my coat. |
| I always put one
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| on at night. |
| If you lived in San Francisco for thirty years, that’d be your
|
| natural instinct, too. |
| So I asked the people around me «What's he barbequeing?
|
| «Somebody said «Lamb». |
| When he divided it all up at the end, he was giving the
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| Flemish people theirs first. |
| And after they had all walked away,
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| I was given the last four pieces. |
| I thought «Well, this is a pretty
|
| transparent 'Fuck You'.» |
| One of the ladies in the apron said as I was walking
|
| off «The last pieces are the best ones. |
| Those are good luck.»
|
| It was the best lamb I ever tasted, it must have been the salt. |
| At the time,
|
| I thought «holy fuck, this Flemish guy is putting a lot of salt on this lamb.
|
| «But it must have been the kind of salt that he put on the lamb that gave it |
| the very nice flavor it had. |
| I’m back in San Francisco and my bed feels so cozy
|
| and fog horns are going off all night. |
| They sound beautiful and I’m reading
|
| Crocodile by Dostoevsky. |
| Guy named Ivan crawled inside a crocodile’s belly and
|
| he prefers life inside the gator’s belly, so does his best friend.
|
| He’s got a thing for Ivan’s lady. |
| Now it’s daytime, drunk people are walking
|
| around my neighborhood and it’s twelve noon. |
| I said «Nathan, something seems
|
| strange. |
| Where are all these people coming from?»
|
| He said «They're here for the Outside Lands Music Festival.»
|
| I said «Who's playing?»
|
| He said «Janet Jackson, the Weeknd, and Chromeo.»
|
| I said «Well, we gotta get to work so we’ll be skipping that.» |