| What the hell is wrong with me?
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| I’m in a band, ladies can’t you see
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| Please don’t judge me by the car that I drive
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| Or the fact that I haven’t had a date since '95
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| Come on, don’t go away
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| Don’t listen to your friends when they that I am gay
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| I try so hard but I just can’t get no play
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| Don’t have any STDs
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| Come on, I’m begging on my knees
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| Come on get close just ignore the fleas
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| We will take anything that walks. |
| ..
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| Because we’re desperate
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| I know I’m not a handsome man
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| 'cause I look like an ogre with a farmer’s tan
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| And every time the ladies see me and I’m walking their way
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| They say, «Brian smells, everybody stay away»
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| Oh ladies, can’t you see
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| I can’t help it because I’m ugly
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| But I’m in a band, don’t that count for something
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| Come on now, don’t delay
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| 'cause if you don’t call then I’ll probably rent-a-date
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| And my tab keeps rising, 'cause I do it every day
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| Oh ladies, can’t you see
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| I’m in a band, why aren’t you attracted to me?
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| I don’t care if you’re underage
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| Just as long as you’ll be seen with me in a public place
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| What’s it gonna take? |
| (What's it gonna take?)
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| For you help me bake cookies?
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| Doo-Wah-Doo
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| 'cause I need to know
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| I’m all hot and ready
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| And I got to go. |
| ..
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| Because we’re Desperate
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| Why oh why must I have this rash
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| No girls talk to me they just step back
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| Should I lift weights? |
| Would that make me more sexual?
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| Maybe wear glasses would that make me intellectual?
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| Come on lets do it fast
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| 'cause I’m all hot and ready and it just wont last
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| And I got 20 dollars what can I get for that? |