| I wrote her name on a bar mat
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| She had a peculiar bonnet
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| But a youngish damsel figure
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| With her tongue tied to a trigger
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| She seemed a total killer
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| Her face all filled with filler
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| Her face a painting palette
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| I stomached all her habits
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| Sipped her snow balls poshly like a judge
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| But left her lipstick traces on her mug
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| We watched each other closely
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| She looks like Bela Lugosi
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| She asked me for a ride home
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| I felt around for my comb
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| And in the bar room mirror
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| I combed right through her figure
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| She wiggled through the car park
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| Into the pit of my heart
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| Sat herself beside me in my van
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| A ring on every finger of her hand
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| She lived down by the river
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| A flat the council give her
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| Wallpaper very scenic
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| Her outlook very beatnik
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| We watched the close and weather
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| Then through the door he entered
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| Short sleeves and arms of iron
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| And me with just my tie on
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| She said the lodger’s used to this by now
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| I’d handled all the bull but not the cow
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| Behind her velvet sofa
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| I found myself back sober
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| She kept an old acoustic
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| She never ever used it
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| A gift for me with a capo
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| A six string with an f-hole
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| We made the strangest couple
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| A Laurel and Hardy double
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| I learnt to play her favourite country songs
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| With one or two chords always going wrong |