| It’s a beautiful day for the race
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| Stu Chan is the favorite today
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| Assault is in there
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| Dog Bisquit is three to one
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| Safety pin has been scratched
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| And at twenty to one, Feitlebaum
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| Now the horses are approaching the starting gate
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| And, eh, there they go
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| And it’s Stu Chan going to the front
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| Cabbage is second on the rail
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| Beautiful Linda is third by a length
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| And Feitlebaum, around the first turn
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| Stu Chan is still in front
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| Cabbage is second by a head
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| (Cabbage by a head)
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| Beautiful Linda is third
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| And Feitlebaum into the back stretch
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| Dog Bisquit is now leading the pack
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| Lady Avalon is second, very close
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| Banana is coming up through the bunch
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| (Banana coming up through the bunch)
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| And Feitlebaum
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| At the half Stu Chan still out in the front
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| Apartment House is second with plenty of room
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| Assault is passing battery
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| (Assault and battery)
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| Notary’s Old Jack is fourth
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| And in last place by ten lengths I believe it is, yes
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| It is Feitlebaum around the turn heading for home
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| It’s Stu Chan and Dog Bisquit and Girdle in the stretch
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| Flying Sylvester is third and Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear
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| (Oh, oh, oh)
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| And now they come down to the wire
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| And it’s number one and now number two
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| And it’s very close
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| It’ll either be a photo finish or an oil painting
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| And now Louis speaks with the left
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| And Louis is in there
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| Slugging and it’s a battle
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| And now they are tearing hair
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| There’s hair all over the ring
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| There’s hair all over the place
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| I don’t know whose hair it is
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| It' mine and there goes the winner…
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| Feitlebaum |