| There’s a character I’ve met in my travels
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| And of him in this song I will tell
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| Just listen and you’ll be reminded
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| Of someone like him you know well
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| He annoys everyone who is near him
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| Sitting there on his barstool
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| He’s a really nice bloke when he’s sober
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| But a pain in the rear when he’s full…
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| With each drink he gathers more wisdom
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| While good manners take a back seat
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| He butts in on your conversation
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| And bores you until you retreat
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| Then he starts on the barmaid or barman
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| With unlimited dull boring junk
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| He’s a man of few words when he’s sober
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| But you can’t shut him up when he’s drunk
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| Oh they’re personal friends of the famous
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| The dancers and sportsmen and so
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| And they tell all the bad things about them
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| Or the good things you don’t want to know
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| Repeating themselves as they bore you
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| You’re a bloody good lot they insist
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| They don’t know you at all when they’re sober
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| But they’re your best friend when they’re pissed
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| Well I’m using the men for example
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| But we know lots of women the same
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| Quite often they’re worse than the men are
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| Cause no one can talk like a dame
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| They’ll hug you and call you oh darlin'
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| You’re the only great hero I choose
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| And they’re pretty stand off-ish when sober
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| But come on like a rash when they’re boozed
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| So with each drink they gather more wisdom
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| While good manners take a back seat
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| And they butt in on your conversation
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| And bore you until you retreat
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| Then they start on the barmaid or barman
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| While swaying there on their barstool
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| Well they’re pretty nice folks when they’re sober
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| But a pain in the rear when they’re full
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| All together
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| Then they start on the barmaid or barman
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| While swaying there on their barstool
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| Well they’re pretty nice folks when they’re sober
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| But a pain in the rear when they’re full
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| All together
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| And with each drink they gather more wisdom
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| While good manners take a back seat
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| And they butt in on your conversation
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| And bore you until you retreat
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| Then they start on the barmaid or barman
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| While swaying there on their barstool
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| Well they’re really nice folks when they’re sober
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| But a pain in the rear when they’re full
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| Dah dah da da dah |