| If there’s a wrong way to do it
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| A wrong way to play it
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| Nobody does it like me
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| If there’s a wrong way to do it
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| A right way to screw it up
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| Nobody does it like me
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| I’ve got a big loud mouth
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| I’m always talking much too free
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| If you go for tact and manners
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| Better stay away from me
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| If there’s a wrong way to keep it cool
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| A right way to be a fool
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| Nobody does it like me
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| I hear a love song, a ballad
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| I toss like a salad
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| Nobody tosses like me
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| And when my evenings get tougher
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| I just take two Bufferin
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| And drink a hot cup of tea
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| Last night I met an old acquaintance
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| At a fancy corner pub
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| He said, «Come on, let’s have some supper»
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| So he used my credit club
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| If there’s a wrong way to take a guy
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| The worst way to make a guy
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| Nobody does it like me
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| If there’s a wrong bell, I ring it
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| A wrong note, I sing it
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| Nobody does it like me
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| If there’s a problem, I duck it
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| I don’t solve it, I just muck it up
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| Nobody does it like me
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| And so I try to be a lady
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| I’m not lady, I’m a fraud
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| And when I talk like I’m a lady
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| What I sound like is a broad
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| If there’s a wrong way to get a guy
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| The right way to lose a guy
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| Nobody does it like me
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| Nobody does it, no
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| Nobody does it
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| Nobody does it like me
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| Nobody does it like me |