| A great big tree grows near our house
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| It’s been there quite some time
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| This tree’s a slipp’ry elm tree and very hard to climb
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| But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I roost
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| I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost
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| The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down
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| And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the town
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| I says to him, «I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and stop
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| Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop»
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| Woodman, woodman, spare that tree
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| Touch not a single bough
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| For years it has protected me
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| And I’ll protect it now
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| Chop down an oak, a birch or pine
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| But not this slipp’ry elm of mine
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| It’s the only tree that my wife can’t climb
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| So spare that tree
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| (2nd verse:)
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| I said to him, «You see that hole
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| Up near that old treetop
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| I’ve got five dollars there, that’s yours, if you refrain to chop
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| No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it’s too slippery
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| I can’t get up myself, unless my wife is after me
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| So get my wife and I’ll call her a very naughty word
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| And then you’ll see me give an imitation of a bird
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| You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets around
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| But when she comes, remember this, if I’m not on the ground» |