| When I was a kid
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| I used to fake sick
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| Luckily my mom and dad were
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| Pretty easy to trick
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| I was biding my time
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| Until the house was all mine
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| To do the one thing I really wanted to do
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| Which was watching daytime TV
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| While there’s no one home to watch me
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| I’m hangin' out with Maury’s
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| Doing a paternity test
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| Are you the father, well it’s anybody’s guess
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| And give me Jerry Springer
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| Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner
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| I guess the best things in life come free
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| Like watching daytime TV
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| When I was a kid
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| The world was a mystery
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| There were so many things that
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| Just didn’t make sense to me
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| And the way to find out
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| What all the fuss was about
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| And to satisfy my healthy curiosity
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| Was by watching daytime TV
|
| While there’s no one home to watch me
|
| I’m hangin' out with Maury’s
|
| Doing a paternity test
|
| Are you the father, well it’s anybody’s guess
|
| And give me Jerry Springer
|
| Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner
|
| I guess the best things in life come free
|
| Like watching daytime TV
|
| There’s no one home to watch me
|
| There’s no one home to stop me
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| From hangin' out with Maury
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| I’m hangin' out with Genevieve
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| There’s no one home to watch me
|
| There’s no one home to stop me
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| From hangin' out with Maury
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| I’m hangin' out |