| The soft sound of snow crunching
|
| underfoot gives me comfort.
|
| Her building is at the end of the block.
|
| She lives on the north side.
|
| Bottom floor. |
| Middle apartment.
|
| I see her: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 steps.
|
| Wrong key. |
| Lock clicks. |
| She drops her
|
| coat and scarf in the entry and
|
| kicks off those… vixen shoes.
|
| She shuffles to the kitchen and pours
|
| a glass of scotch. |
| (I am inside)
|
| She lights a cigarette and blows
|
| the smoke over the match. |
| (She doesn’t notice)
|
| The gray smog rises from her
|
| lips like a cremation furnace.
|
| The simple elegance of this quiet
|
| moment is almost irresistible.
|
| (But, I wait)
|
| She slugs back the scotch,
|
| finishes her smoke and ashes it
|
| in the sink. |
| She unties her hair
|
| and enters the hallway, past the
|
| childless bedroom with the empty
|
| crib, past the altar coated in wax
|
| like a wedding cake, and the tiny
|
| packages of meat, dead flowers,
|
| and baby’s breath.
|
| She enters the bathroom, where
|
| she undresses. |
| She sits on the
|
| edge of the bath. |
| Her naked body
|
| folded in half, heavy tits hanging
|
| like mushy stalactites over her
|
| lap. |
| (Oh, precious) She closes her
|
| eyes and holds her head as if it
|
| might float away.
|
| For a moment, my thoughts drift
|
| again, this time to the hammer
|
| I am holding. |
| The handle is
|
| smooth as bone, the forged steel
|
| head is heavy, and I feel powerful.
|
| She reaches for the faucet
|
| and I snap back to the moment.
|
| Bubbles brim the edge of the
|
| tub. |
| Her fingers check the water
|
| temperature and I am ready.
|
| I move behind her. |
| She doesn’t
|
| hear. |
| I swing the hammer. |
| She
|
| doesn’t see. |
| I crack her skull.
|
| She’s in the tub. |
| Face down. |
| I am
|
| drowning her, mashing her head
|
| to the bottom, knifing the claw of
|
| the hammer into her spine and
|
| ribs over and over and over and
|
| over and over and over and over
|
| and over and…
|
| Her body stops pretending to
|
| care and surrenders as it is supposed
|
| to. |
| just to be sure, I press
|
| hard, keeping her head beneath
|
| the bloody water a few moments
|
| more. |
| Her neck snaps, her nose
|
| breaks, and her face collapses
|
| against the bottom of the tub. |
| I
|
| see my reflection in the mirror
|
| and soapy foam has formed a half
|
| smile over the black nylon mask I
|
| am wearing
|
| I lean to her. |
| The water glistens
|
| like glass. |
| I hover over the
|
| surface, soft breath causing tiny
|
| quakes, and whisper, «I have done
|
| to you what nature has done to me.»
|
| She doesn’t reply.
|
| I stand and turn off the light.
|
| The room is dark and empty.
|
| Just like I am now. |