| Here’s a shocking revelation for you voyeurs
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| Such a heinous deviation, there are no cures
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| I’m a Mineralist, I’m a Mineralist
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| Just the thought of ironing gives me spasms of lust
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| I creep up to old wrecked cars and lick off the rust
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| I’m a Mineralist, I’m a Mineralist
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| Mother used to try to metal in my affairs
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| Keep your nose up off that grindstone, people
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| Will stare
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| Get the lead out of your pants and change your
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| Underwear
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| I’ve been stealing baby bottles since I was born
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| I’ll go blind from balling bearings, doctors have
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| Warned
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| I like making out with steel-rimmed glasses
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| More than horned
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| Erik Satie gets my rocks off, Cage is a dream
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| Phillip Glass is Mineralist to the extreme
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| I like tickling ivories and fingering stones
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| When my mercury goes up I play with my bone
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| Peole take for granite my perversion is wrong
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| I’m not harming anyone by beating my gong
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| I’m a Mineralist, I’m a Mineralist
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| I’ll make love to minerals as long as I can
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| And in fifty years I’ll be a jaded old man
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| I’m a Mineralist, I’m a Mineralist
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| I’m a Mineralist, I’m a Mineralist |