| I remember quite well
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| The first time I took you home
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| We were so young
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| I didn’t think much of you
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| Sure you were cute and full of tricks
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| And a whole lot brighter than a guinea pig
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| But I didn’t think much of you back then
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| And I think you loved me first
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| Cause it sure took me a while
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| To figure out
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| That you were kinda special
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| But now you’re old and full of ticks
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| And you yell at everybody just for kicks
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| And I wish that you would just shut up
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| Why do you scream at me
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| Why do you scream
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| I don’t know why you have to do that
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| Cause things don’t seem
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| All that bad to me
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| Oh I’m beggin' you please
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| Baby please don’t scream
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| Do you remember that old cat
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| Who beat you up so bad
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| You almost didn’t make it
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| I almost couldn’t take it
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| But now you’re mean and paranoid
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| There’s not a piece of this house that you haven’t destroyed
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| And I wish that you would just shut up
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| You know I’ve loved a lot of men
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| And moved far away from them
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| And I hate to say it
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| But you’re my oldest friend
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| And I’m glad you’re around
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| Cause you still know how to make my favorite sound
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| But then I wish that you would just shut up |