Lyrics If "If" Was A 5th - Mistah F.A.B., E-40, Mac Dre

If "If" Was A 5th

I never let my right ear know what my left ear done heard
My favorite beer right now is 211 Steel Reserve
If I had a choice to be an animal I’d be a bird (Bird)
If I had a choice to be a plant, I’d be a herb (Herb)
If I was in the jungle I’ll be nothin' humble (Nothin' humble)
Beat an anaconda down and give a lion a muzzle (Lion a muzzle)
I’ll open up shop under a straw hut (Straw hut)
Instead of sellin' bananas, I’d sell coconuts (Sell coconuts)
For twenty bucks a pop, I can’t stop (Stop)
They’ll be goin' like hotcakes, man like IHOP (IHOP)
I make an antenna out of a wishbone (Wishbone)
And start my own cable service like I’m at home (Like I’m at home)
Talkin' on my cellular phone, watchin' the Flintstones (Flintstones)
Me and my stable full of broads, me and my Amazons (Amazons)
On house arrest for soliciting, selling sex (Selling sex)
And distributing crevices, centerfolds who sex
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
If if was a fifth, we’ll all be drunk
And if this ain’t the bump (Then what?), Skippy’s a punk
My folks in the pen be playin' taunt
My weeple down South in the sticks be sayin' crunk
My dudes on the soil be pushin' thizz
But if you’re tardy you probably won’t even know what that is
Uhh… I'm lookin' at the ladies
I’m thinkin' if she was a car, she would be a Mercedes
I’m thinkin' if she was Pat Benatar I could take her back to the '80s
«Hit Me with Your Best Shot,» girl, I’m off this Bailey’s
Me and you, baby, one on one, let’s have some fun
Me and you, baby, one on one, take off yo' thong
The party’s just begun and it’s a quarter to one
The super duper turtle tortoise hurtin' my lungs
Tattoo on her titty with a ring in her tongue
She off the Seagram’s, the Joseph E. Seagram Sons
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
Put a fire out now they’re suckin' me soft
And now they’re all on the table drunk peelin' it off
Me and Feezy double-fisted the Cali way (Cali way)
Got 'em comin' out they clothes in a nasty way (In a nasty way)
If if was a fifth, she’ll be thinkin' 'bout you instead of me
(Instead of me?) Spendin' her money on you instead of me
(Instead of me?) Wastin' her time on you instead of me
(Instead of me… if if was a fifth)
I’ll be on Cloud 12, smokin' an L
In my burgundy brandy candy convertible 'dan DeVille ('dan DeVille)
In Amsterdam, yes, I am on a good one
Lookin' for some good ol' fashioned turtle
Me and my fellas be on a good one (On a good one)
You’re liable to find me up in Alaska shootin' dice
Out there hustlin', grittin' and grindin', sellin' ice (Sellin' ice)
Or pimpin' a breezy up out her pants (Pants)
Sippin' imported Louis from Cognac, France (Cognac, France)
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
If if was a fifth, I’ll be diggin' in your girl
Instead of lookin' at her (Instead of lookin' at her)
And then we get hyphy when we want to (When we want to)
Be a boss at everything that we run through (That we run through)
(IF IF WAS A 5TH!)
Put a fire out now they’re suckin' me soft
And now they’re all on the table drunk peelin' it off
Me and Feezy double-fisted the Cali way (Cali way)
Got 'em comin' out they clothes in a nasty way (In a nasty way)
If if was a fifth, she’ll be thinkin' 'bout you instead of me
(Instead of me?) Spendin' her money on you instead of me
(Instead of me?) Wastin' her time on you instead of me
(Instead of me… if if was a fifth)
VAN-GLORIOUS!
(Vanglorious, fo'-shiggedy)
This is protected, by the PEEIMPS
(And who else, who-who else are they protectin'?)
The PLAYERS (And, and, and somebody else right?)
And the hustlers (The hustlers, that’s right)
With a ki (WITH A KI)
Not a car key (But what?)
BUT A KI (Oh, a ki, a brick) SISSY (SISSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHH!)
Oooh, oooh — BOTCH!