| If I wasn’t me, but a different sort of chap
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| What a romeo I’d be
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| I’d be able to see it’s an awful handicap
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| When a guy’s as shy as me What happiness might come my way
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| If I could just speak up and say
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| I’ll bet I could work wonders, seems too good to be true
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| I could be a 'b' marvel if I had a girl like you
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| Single handed I’d rescue ship and captain and crew
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| I’d be number one hero if I had a girl like you
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| I’d spend my leisure finding hidden treasure
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| No one could measure the things that I do In the stormiest weather I could eat a pie stew
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| I’d become a real sailor if I had a girl like you
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| I could do without moonlight and give the stars a rest too
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| I’d be warm in a snowstorm if I had a girl like you
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| All the radio programmes would be strictly taboo
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| They could keep their old brains trust if I had a girl like you
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| I’d never long for meals they ring a gong for
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| The shows they throng for I never would view, I’m telling you
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| I’d have pennies from heaven, I could live in a shoe
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| They could take me clothes coupons if I had a girl like you |