| Here’s one of the two of us
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| In 1954 don’t laugh
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| I keep all of the pictures
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| Are you going to take a photograph
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| Here’s something nice for you
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| A dear old thing came to a show
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| Last time here we did
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| An interview on local radio
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| Make yourself at home my darling
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| Come on in
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| Hand me down that jar love
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| Can I offer you a gin
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| We’re proud to be the oldest
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| Ugly sisters in variety
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| There’s not the glamour now
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| You see what happened to society
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| There’s another light bulb gone
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| They don’t all answer to the switch
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| I don’t know how we carry on
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| And her she couldn’t care the bitch
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| But in a while the old boys
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| In the band begin to play
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| And in a while the houselights
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| And the curtains slide away
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| And something’s going to happen
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| To make your whole life better
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| Your whole life better one day
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| Something’s going to happen
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| To make your whole life better
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| Your whole life better one day
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| Now the landlady’s all squared away
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| It’s just a temporary deal
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| I’m afraid tonight it’s take-away
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| You see there is no evening meal
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| Don’t worry dear you shall go to the ball
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| I think the fairy said
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| These suitcases have seen it all
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| From under someone else’s bed
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| You want to smile those tears away
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| Now don’t you cry
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| You want to know what I say
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| I say never say die
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| Cause something’s going to happen
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| To make your whole life better
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| Your whole life better one day
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| Something’s going to happen
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| To make your whole life better
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| Your whole life better one day |