| Dear Mavis I’m compelled to write this letter
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| In the hope that you may soon be getting better
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| I’ve a feeling you should go and see a doctor
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| If you haven’t then you know you really oughta
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| I was worried so I went to see the vicar
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| But before I could confess he first confessed to be a stripper
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| Dear Mavis it was very strange to see him
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| So I thought I’d write and ask you your opinion
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| Should I grass on him, report him to the Cardinal?
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| Or whether I should egg him on to turn professional?
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| If I dob on him they’ll call him plastic scouser
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| But the only thing the Stripper Vicar wears is plastic trousers
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| Mavis' opinion is all we really seek
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| Mavis' opinion is all we…
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| Should we lie while he’s still alive?
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| Should we lie while he’s still alive?
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| 'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it
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| Dear Mavis thought I’d follow up my letter
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| Drop a line about the fate of our poor vicar
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| Very tragically his time on Earth is ended
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| Found him gagged and bound in stockings and suspenders
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| Dear Mavis if you tell us what your thoughts are
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| And I hope that they’re not biased 'cos you are the vicar’s daughter
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| Mavis’s opinion, all we really seek
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| Mavis’s opinion, all we, should we…
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| Should we lie now that he has died?
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| Should we lie now that he has died?
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| 'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it
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| And we know him as our vicar
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| And by night a part-time stripper
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| And the vicar got suspended
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| In his stockings and suspenders
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| And he’s making wine from water
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| While he dresses like his daughter
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| And we know that he’s a rip off
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| 'Cos we’ve seen him with his kit off
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| Should we lie now that he has died?
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| Should we lie now that he has died?
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| 'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it |