| Ah, this is the tale of the dame known as Harriet
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| Who climbed to the top of the heap from the bottom
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| A beautiful life was her aim and to vary it
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| She wanted the sun and the moon and she got 'em
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| She isn’t the least exhausted from her climb
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| But she does look back from time to time
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| And the subject of this evening’s quiz
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| Is who she was and who she is
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| Uptown
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| She’s stepping out with the swell
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| Downtown
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| She’s holding hands on the El
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| Hyphenated Harriet
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| The nouveau from New Rochelle
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| Uptown
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| She’s got the Vanderbilt clan
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| Downtown
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| She’s with the sidewalk Cezanne
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| Hyphenated Harriet
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| The nouveau from New Rochelle
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| She sits at the Ritz with her splits of Mumms and starts to pine for a stine
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| with her Village chums
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| But with the schlitz in her mitts down at Fitzroy’s Bar
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| She thinks of the Ritz so it’s so schizo
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| Uptown
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| It’s Harry Winston she needs
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| Downtown
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| Strictly zircons and beads
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| Ask her
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| Should she be uptown or down?
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| She two of the most miserable girls in town |