Lyrics Bill of Goods - Loudon Wainwright, III

Bill of Goods

Couldn’t make the effort
You couldn’t talk the chit-chat
At the dinner table you looked tired
The soft candle light couldn’t hide that
Your perfume petered out
There was a whiff from your nicked armpit
When the real you wafted through
And your deodorant
Couldn’t stop it
There was a fire in your building
They still don’t know what caused it
But all your clothes and shoes burned up
When it spread to your closet
You had on your see-through night gown
Not quite completely naked
You refused the fire chief
When he offered you the blanket
Everything will be alright
Remember when you thought that?
I sold you that bill of goods
Remember when you bought that?
Common knowledge has it
Easy never does it
We gave each other such a hard time
It sure was fun or was it an adventure or disaster
Kinda sweet or sorta sour
Nothing’s that important
When it takes more than half an hour
And if you’re gonna catch it
Pray that day that they can cure it
And the procedure is painless
So somehow we’ll all endure it
And if there’s surgery it’s plastic
And entirely cosmetic
So the new you is near perfect
For some so unatheletic
Everything will be alright
Remember when you thought that?
I sold you that bill of goods
Remember when you bought that?
Everything will be alright
Remember when you thought that?
I sold you that bill of goods
Remember when you bought that?
Everything will be alright