| L.L. Cool J Servin em well
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| And as you all know.
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| I AM — HARD — AS HELL
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| Woke up at 9:30 on a Saturday morn'
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| Hemmed my remote control, turned my stereo on Then I reached for a brush since I don’t use the picks
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| And the floor was kinda cold, so I put on my kicks
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| Walked to the kitchen and ate some cornflakes
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| As I bop to a tape of Cut Creator’s breaks
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| With hardcore — heavyweight — b-boy blast
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| Connoisseur of hardcore, and Cut Creator’s fast
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| Jumped in the shower, it was boiling hot
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| So I stayed there a hour, cause I like it a lot
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| Jumped out, dried off, put on the Denim cologne
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| Then I called up Earl on the telephone
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| He told me 'bout a jam that I could do later on 10 g’s plus a limo for one strong song
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| So I said, yeah, I was with it, hung up and got geared
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| Got a magnfying glass, then I brushed my beard
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| Rewound some tapes of some Def Jam tunes
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| As I waited for this freak to ring my bell at noon
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| 12 o’clock came, left the door crack
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| The freak walked in, a mink on her back
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| Put her curt on the rack, threw my ??? |
| on Then I threw in a tape of the quiet storm
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| We drank Roundhill Cavern, ate soft mignons
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| She said, L.L., when you’re gonna let me taste your tongue?
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| My skin got pale, I wam-bammed the tail
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| Did it so hard I shoulda went to jail
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| She left, Earl came over and we went outside
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| Jumped in the BM to bust a joyride
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| Went up to A.J., in my fresh black wheel
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| I’m not a sucker on the corner tryin to scrape up a meal
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| The girlies want sex, the fellas try to plex
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| But those who flex end up with broke necks
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| Signed some autographs for a posse of freaks
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| Said, It’s L, baby, I ain’t down with Chic
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| Conversated with the skeezers for 10 minutes more
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| Then I jumped in my ride and the freaks slammed the door
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| Due cause I’m a gangster people think I do crimes
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| They don’t know I’m just a connoisseur of hip-hop rhymes
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| Some smile, try to call L.L. a hoodlum at times
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| But he don’t know my autograph’s on his wife’s behind
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| L.L. has iced all the washed up slobs
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| Vigilante of rap, so to hell with the mob
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| Don’t run from the cops, makin suckers jock
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| And I’m only 18 makin more than your pops
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| Tormentor of toys and boyscout boys
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| And I dare any critic to call it noise
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| Peeped at the clock, it said 6:03
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| Said 'later'to Creator and broke out with E Went up to White Castle for a chocolate shake
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| Thinkin 'bout a 100'000 that I’d soon make
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| Finished up the snack, jumped up, out my seat
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| E-Love hit the table and he made up a beat
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| Kicked a few lines, stepped out the door
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| Since tonight is a bore I’m in the mood for more
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| We jumped in my ride, I took a peek at the time
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| It was almost 7:30 and the show was at nine
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| L.L. Cool J will soon stand at a jam
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| With thousands of people screamin, Touch my hand!
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| But since I had a hour plus a half for tat
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| I was searchin for the cutie who’s my perfect match
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| Her name was Renee, her face was okay
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| But she had the kinda body that made Jay wanna play
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| I said, No need to rehearse, then I made my approach
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| Said, You got a good team, girl, but you need a new coach
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| Said, My name’s L.L. — Cool, if I may introduce
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| But I’m not here for conversation, I’m here to seduce
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| Wanna mix it up, baby, wanna feel you grind
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| Cause it ain’t 5th grade, and these ain’t nursery rhymes
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| And I know that you adore my sure side hardcore
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| Check out the real L.L. behind closed doors
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| So tell your buddies you’re busy, tell your boyfriend beat it Forget the silk dress, cause you ain’t gonna need it Unplug your clock, do away with the light
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| After five minutes or more you hear me say, 'That's right!'
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| Your body is bad and I heard you got a Caddy
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| When we make love you can call me daddy
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| I’m L.L. Cool J, say hey, Renee
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| I’m not a toyboy, but I still wanna play
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| Promise you I’m not wack when I’m in the sack
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| After that I leave you starvin for me to come back
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| But in the meantime, put your digits down
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| And the next time I see ya I’m goin to town
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| Stepped away from the freak, it was a quarter to nine
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| When I rolled to the jam I saw the crew on line
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| Took a trip around the side, so I could get backstage
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| If you call me a tiger, then the stage is my cage
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| I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust
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| Them flaky knuckleheads I crumble up like crust
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| Walked in my dressing room, and then I heard four knocks
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| They said, L.L., you’re runnin late and it’is time to rock
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| Told Cut Creator what the order would be Then I said Lord have mercy and slapped hands with E Went onstage, I heard the girlies scream
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| And that’s the very moment I woke up from the dream
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| Aahh! |