| Around 1978, I met the comedian, Andy Kaufmann, and he was performing this
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| avant-garde Elvis act in a club in Queens. |
| The performance started with Andy
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| playing the bongos and, for some unknown reason, sobbing
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| We became friends, and I acted as Andy’s straight man in clubs and field trips.
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| At the Improv in New York, Andy would begin his show by insulting women and
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| saying «I won’t respect them until one of them comes up here and wrestles me
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| down.»
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| This was supposed to be my job
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| I sat in the club drinking whiskeys trying to get up the nerve. |
| In the meantime
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| I was also supposed to be heckling him, and after three whiskeys I managed to
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| get pretty abusive. |
| Wrestling him down though was really hard because Andy
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| really fought
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| On our field trips we would go to Coney Island to try out some of Andy’s
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| theories on cutting-edge comedy. |
| We’d stand around the «test your strength»
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| games, the one with the big sledgehammer and the bell, and Andy would make fun
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| of all the guys who were swinging away
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| And I was supposed to beg him for one of the huge stuffed bunnies: «Oh Andy Honey, please get me a bunny, please, please."Finally Andy would step
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| up to the big thermometer and take a swing. |
| The indicator would rise a few
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| inches and «Try again, weakling!» |
| would flash. |
| At this point Andy would start
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| yelling that the game was rigged and demanding to see the manager
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| We also went at the rotowhirl, the ride that plasters everyone against the
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| walls of a spinning cylinder and stretches their bodies into Dopplered blobs.
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| Before the ride actually starts, there are a couple of awkward minutes while
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| the attendant checks the motor and the riders, bound head and foot,
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| stare at each other
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| This was the moment that Andy seized. |
| He would start by looking around in a
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| panic, and then he would start to cry «I don’t wanna be on this ride!
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| I’ve changed my mind — we’re all gonna die!» |
| The other riders would look
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| around self-consciously. |
| Should they help? |
| He would then begin to sob
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| uncontrollably
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| I loved Andy. |
| He would come over to my house and read from a novel he was
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| writing; |
| he would read all night. |
| And I don’t know if any of this book was ever
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| even published
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| I have never been one to hope that Elvis is still hanging around somewhere,
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| hiding, but I will probably always expect to see Andy reappear… someday |