| I knew a boy way back when
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| His name was Bobby and then
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| He asked my daddy if I could go dancing
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| But he could not make a pass
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| Can’t tell his elbow from ass
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| He was completely inept at romancing
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| Oh Bobby
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| It’s so painful to watch you
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| Well in a crowd I could spot you
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| Oh Bobby
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| You’ll never nail her
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| What a spectacular failure
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| He’s got a buddy named Jack
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| Who likes to take it as fact
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| That he and Bobby have all of the power
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| But don’t believe what he says
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| Cuz Jack’s gone soft in the head
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| And Bob and Jack play grab-ass in the shower
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| Oh Bobby
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| You play out every delusion
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| You’re better off in seclusion
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| Oh Bobby
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| You’ve never looked paler
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| What a spectacular failure
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| Oh Bobby
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| You don’t appear to be dying
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| It’s like you’re not even trying
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| Oh Bobby
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| I can’t excuse your behavior
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| What a spectacular failure |