| You already know the undead abomination
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| Better lock all your doors cuz I wanna break in
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| This OG Zombie’s still just as grisly
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| Daddy I’m hungry — son, I’m busy
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| But I want brains! |
| I’m working on it now, kid
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| You’re dead to me! |
| That’s it, you’re grounded
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| I wish I had time for a longer verse
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| I’m still a zombie, but a father first
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| That doesn’t mean you can’t get back on the saddle
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| When I hit the scene, you know bones will rattle
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| I’m a bowman whose skills are long reputed
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| I’ll strike you in the heart with an arrow — Cupid
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| Beg for mercy, you’ll find I’m heartless
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| Run and hide cuz I do not miss my targets
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| The sun goes down, that’s when we get started
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| But when my Mobs spot you, you’ll get bombarded
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| That’s what I think of you
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| You got a problem with a llama? |
| Try to bring it dude
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| I’ll hock a loogie on your face
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| And put you and your obnoxious dogs in place
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| Don’t try to tame me because that will fail
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| Wait, is that hay? |
| Let me have a bale
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| Please just don’t load up my back with a chest
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| I’m not a pack mule, I would rather be dead
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| It’s okay my man, I’m a fan of animals
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| My land is fertile with plants and vegetables
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| All organic with plenty of edibles
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| And my Golem guards are all dependable
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| It would be a shame if it all got pillaged
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| Oh no, illagers are taking my village
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| The Evoker’s sure to get you Vexed
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| No griefers man, did you read the text?
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| Don’t trust your eyes, or I’ll rob you blind
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| I don’t need to be a witch to play tricks on your mind
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| Forget magic, I’d rather use an axe kill
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| Is this Minecraft or a slasher film?
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| Neither — I’m weaving a web that’ll lead you to death
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| Don’t even think about leaving, I will eat you instead
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| So be careful if you come across a cave
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| Only thing I’m digging is a mob-sized grave
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| I’m not a miner, I’m a fighter, sick of hiding
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| Soon I’ll retire with my diamonds to an island
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| Forget about survival
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| This rap will be your final
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| Just face the doom you can’t avoid
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| When I’m gone you’ll be unemployed
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| Can it, grampa, your career has fizzled
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| I hop on the beat and make the track sizzle
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| Listen for the hiss, it’s your signal to run
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| My rhymes are explosive and no that isn’t a pun
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| Woops, does anyone have a light?
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| Honestly this never happens, my fuse won’t ignite
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| Don’t judge me, I’m getting old for a creeper
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| Now you’ll think twice to call me an old geezer
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| Somebody needs a light you say?
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| Leave that to blaze I stay lit all day
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| Blaze nation is going all the way
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| Try to put me out, I’ll smoke you like a vape
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| Dishing out blaze rods — my bars are flaming
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| I drop 'em like they’re hot — can I get an amen?
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| Representing the Nether forever
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| Bring your friends man, you’ll be Blazin' together
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| I’m back with a vengeance, suckers
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| The chicken is in the house, mothercluckers
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| I’ve laid so many eggs you’ll get stuck with
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| I ain’t the kind of bird that you wanna pluck with
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| Chicken, come on, you’re giving us a bad reputation
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| Nobody asked you, ya fat slob of bacon
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| I’m the cockiest kind of livestock
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| And if you disagree you can suck on my — STOP!
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| I’m not a miner, I’m a fighter, sick of hiding
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| Soon I’ll retire with my diamonds to an island
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| This fight will be your last one
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| Just need a brief distraction
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| Look, singing dirtblocks! |
| Right behind you!
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| Oh, really? |
| Can they harmonize too?
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| What kind of world would you live in without me?
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| We will support you all, the earth beneath your feet
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| This crazy world is turning but this dirt will hold its ground
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| Excuse me who are you and can you put me down?
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| Sorry, carrying block is just something I like
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| Hey, haven’t we met at an open mic?
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| Why am I even on this track?
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| I never signed up for this — NO EYE CONTACT
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| I really don’t want to sit through this again
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| So let me teleport straight to the End
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| For the last time, rapping isn’t something I enjoy
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| Then pass me the mic and let me destroy
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| DJ DeadPig, spin that shit
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| Been spending time in the lab, refining my rap
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| The only craft that you’ve mastered is mining — it’s sad
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| All of y’all have made these raps a living hell for me
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| Can’t even think for yourselves — mob mentality
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| You got elementary rhymes, I break a mental sweat with mine
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| When you rejected me, I spent time perfecting every line
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| Spitting literal fire, with formidable size
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| If you belittle me it’ll fail, my confidence flies
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| Cut the beat
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| I don’t need to hear a beat to lyrically annihilate you
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| Y’all so far beneath me, makes it hard for me to hate you
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| Step up to my level, then we’ll get to talkin' business
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| You know the game I’m playing — survival of the fittest
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| Your writtens are for children, I’ll show you that I’m better
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| I’ll have your music box blasting the Ghast’s platinum record
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| And before I drop this mic, I’ll drop a bomb on this mob army
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| Y’all are long outdated, I’m bouncing out this block party |