| There must be a real good reason why he ain’t home yet
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| There must be a real bad wreck slowing him down
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| I’m hoping he blew a tyre, his old truck flipped and caught on fire
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| 'Cause God help my man if he’s fooling around
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| If he’s fooling around with some hussy he knows
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| While I’m cooking his dinner and washing his clothes
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| If he thinks he can come home and climb into my bed
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| He’s got another thing coming upside his head
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| I hope there was a homeless hooker that he gave a hug to
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| I pray that’s her lipstick on his shirt this morning I found
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| These seven numbers I see in his pocket better win the lottery
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| 'Cause God help my man if he’s fooling around
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| If he’s fooling around with some hussy he knows
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| While I’m rocking his babies and washing his clothes
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| If he thinks he can come home and climb into my bed
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| He’s got a frying pan coming upside his head
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| I hope he’s got a real good lawyer 'cause he’s gonna need one
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| 'Cause you know my daddy is the judge here in this small town
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| By the time I’m through, I’m getting my half and I’m taking his too
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| 'Cause God help my man if he’s fooling around
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| Yeah, God help my man if he’s a fooling around |