Lyrics The Darkest Night Ever - Jean Grae, Black Panther

The Darkest Night Ever

Whispering rain awoke me.
The curtains drifting slowly
The hint of dusk and twilight, gray sky, daylight folding
Next to a lover recovering from a hangover slumber
Twisting the sheets around my legs, slipping deep in the covers
Reached over, felt nothing.
Sat up, contemplated his leaving
Called out his name and heard nothing but the sound of my breathing
Feet swinging on the floor, shuffling sleepy on the slippery wood tiles
Today, the hall is feeling like it’s miles to go.
Splash water on my face
Handle business—not in that order.
Head to the kitchen
Get a cup of java.
Grab the remote, flick on the coffee machine
Flop in the La-Z-Boy—easy chair, sighing
Feet up on the table.
Pressing buttons.
No cable.
Stand up
Smacking the TV, throw the remote across the room and start
Cursing—I'm heated.
Pick up the cordless phone
What the fuck?
Dial tone’s missing and it’s fully charged
Headed back in the kitchen, thinking «Maybe I blew a fuse»
Try to switch on the lights and get nothing but confused
Coffee still cold.
Open fridge.
Dark as hell
Freezer dripping.
No electricity far as I can tell
I’m straight bitching now, complaining out loud
Throw on a sweater and slippers, thinking «I'm ‘bout to go out on a super
tripping»
Stepped out on my door, locked it.
Put the key in my pocket
And took the stairs a flight, headed to his ground-floor apartment
I’m must’ve knocked for five minutes, ringing bells, banging
Calling, tapping, peeping through the mail slot.
This nigga
As much rent as I’m paying, there’s always something broken
I’m thinking of rent-striking when the front door blows open
That’s strange.
All the tenants always lock it
Looked over, walked up to it, closed it.
It just opened again
I let it swing.
It’s strange.
Peeped out into the street
Silence was deafening—never heard nothing quieter
Except for nothing.
No one’s out.
Lights are nonexistent
And I mean no sound, no silence, no laughter
No crying, unhappy children.
No one walking
No one standing.
No one fighting, no one driving
Just water falling.
Just me calling out
Into the deadened air.
Panicking, getting no response
Trembling.
Tripping down the stoop, searching the block
Kicking doors, I started running.
I started running
As the light is leaving, silently retreating down an empty hall
Ran some blocks, stopped for nothing.
There was nothing to stop for
Throat getting raw from screaming, crying, pleading
Hoping just to see something, anything moving
I’m breathing like the air was made of knives, choking, falling
Scraping up my knees.
Body shaking like rustling leaves
Upchucking and dry-heaving, pushing random doors open
Running down a subway station, seeing scattered cars and choking as
Purses and bags laying, drinks and trinkets scattered
No sign of blood splattered.
What the fuck happened?
There’s no sign of the struggle.
Just vanished—everyone
Please, God.
Let me be dreaming
Ran back upstairs, tried every phone—dead
Every building—nothing.
Every store empty
Getting darker now.
Collapse hysterical.
Beating my head
Against the pavement just to test my consciousness and lost it
Woke up in pure darkness, thinking it was over
Under a blanket or scarf, the rain beating heavy.
Head bloody
God, kill me ‘cause you sure don’t love me.
Got up and stumbled
To a bus stop.
Sat on a bench, looked at my hands bleeding
Face streaked with dirt and tears streaming down
Never slowing, rocking back and forth, wailing into the sky
Praying for it just to end.
Why would you leave me like this?
What have I done wrong?
Was it lost of faith?
Maybe I’m in hell.
Just tell me something.
Am I going insane?
I want to wake up.
Please say it’s not the worst nightmare ever
And if it’s not, end it now and just take me up
I’d rather see a tunnel in a light.
Wake me up
Don’t leave me in the darkest night ever.
Hunger escapes me
Sad, but no, didn’t even measure time.
Just started walking
And darkness chased me.
The cold air raped me
I let my body go numb, float wherever the wind takes me
Waiting for the end to come.
And as she waited for the opposite of the beginning
A million-and-one thoughts spun in her head
Was this death?
Was she awake?
Had the rest of life been a dream and this is the reality?
She ran until her legs stopped working.
And her sweat dripped red
There was still nothing.
A flash of light
And a silence softer than silence
And then a darkness blacker than blackness
And then she was still.
And then she was still
As the light is leaving, silently retreating down an empty hall
Whispering rain awoke me.
The curtains drifting slowly
The hint of dusk and twilight, gray sky, daylight folding
Next to a lover recovering from hangover slumber
Twisting the sheets around my legs, slipping deep in the covers
Reached over, felt nothing but a sense of repetition
Called out his name and heard nothing.
Headed to the kitchen
Shuffling sleepy on the slippery tiles.
Today, the hallway seems to go on for
miles
Flick on the coffee machine.
Flop in the La-Z-Boy—easy chair, sighing
Kick my feet up on the table.
Pushing remote buttons, getting nothing
Stood up suddenly, panicking, frantic
Ran to the phone and checked it—dead.
Hitting the lights, started crying
Bolted out the door into the pouring rain, started running
Once again, the sound of nothing ringing in my ears
Like it’s a hundred church bells at once.
Body turning numb again
Worse than déjà vu, it’s darker, it’s colder than
The reverse of fire.
I feel like imploding
Six-shot-bullet-loading, thinking now, tearing down the block
Looking for gun stores, anything to blow my brains out
Hoping lightning hits me from a heavy rain cloud
I cry a million rivers, screaming for deliverance
And end tonight in suffering.
Can’t speak.
My soul shivers
And she ran until her legs stopped working
And there was still nothing.
And then a flash
And then she was still
As the light is leaving, silently retreating down an empty hall