| i was only 29 and lonely as a bull moose in heatwhen he came along,
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| singing that same old songi said — you know i'
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| m entering my primethirty-one to thirty-ninebet you'
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| ve read the articles, toostatistically speaking, my hormones are creepingi can
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| feel them moving in the nightbut like the articles say — i am womani can wait
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| until it'
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| s righti want to be a cosmopolitan, cosmopolitancosmopolitan girltake half a
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| dozen lovers,
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| teach them what i'
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| ve seeninbetween the covers of my favorite magazinei want to read statistics,
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| plan logisticslive my life to the hiltwithout shame, without pain,
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| without guilti hit thirty waiting for my endocrinesto match the
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| questionnaireshe grew impatient, i said — i'
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| m saving myselfmeantime, let'
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| s do some therapytake a course in codependencyand while we'
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| re at it, you could lose some weightwe'
|
| ve got so much to shareno, don'
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| t touch me therewhat'
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| s another year between friendsthe wait will be worth iti'
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| m bound to be perfect by theni want to be a cosmopolitan,
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| cosmopolitancosmopolitan girli'
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| m reading kama sutra — ibought it on cassettei found a chiropractor who can
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| limber up my necki want that first time flawless, really lawlesslive my life to
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| the hiltwithout shame, without pain, without guiltthe big day finally camethere
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| was a note on the doorit said — here'
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| s a little something to remember me byi'
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| ve fallen for a waitress who accepts her cellulitethis is a cosmopolitan,
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| cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan giftand i know that you'
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| ll appreciate it when you think of meall those empty nights while you'
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| re protecting your virginitythis gift is flawless, this gift is cordlessso
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| enjoy it to the hiltwithout shame, without pain, without guiltwithout shame,
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| without pain, without guiltno shame, no pain, no guilt |