| I remember sitting in the train
|
| Though it seems ages ago, I figure that
|
| No more than a couple of weeks have elapsed since then
|
| I also remember the thoughts racing in my mind. |
| I’d read that before going
|
| Into battle, even the most ardent veteran soldier feels the pangs of fear
|
| And I wondered why I only felt a sense of numbness in my stomach and legs
|
| Premonition perhaps?
|
| During training we’d been told by our senior officers always to keep our
|
| Carbines clean of grime.'Cleansed mine for what might have been the fiftieth
|
| time, whilst rolling
|
| Through the French countryside listening to the distant thunder.
|
| By then I didn’t realise that it was the mellow booming of
|
| The Germans'
|
| Heavy artillery, shelling our line. |
| Or, maybe, ours shelling theirs?
|
| I’d heard that even if you’re dug in, in a shelter, the big howitzers
|
| Could get you
|
| In the train I split a cigarette with a guy from back home. |
| This was his
|
| Second trip to the front. |
| He told me how his former company was set to dig
|
| Out a bombed cellar, and how the people they found had been uninjured by
|
| The shrapnel and fire. |
| They had been crushed by the pressure of the
|
| Detonation — their lungs had been pushed through their mouths. |
| He also told me
|
| to swap my bayonet for a field shovel at any
|
| Given moment
|
| «When you’re at close quarters, a sharpened field shovel can lob the head
|
| Off a mans shoulders. |
| And it won’t break or get stuck in the ribs like a
|
| Bayonet.» |
| That’s what he said. |
| His name is Liam, or was Liam. |
| As I’m writing
|
| this, I can hear him
|
| Screaming. |
| I can just barely make him out in a crater next to the German
|
| Trench. |
| Horribly entangled in barbwire. |
| He’s not screaming for his mom or
|
| Anything. |
| Just screaming. |
| Maybe his throat has been lacerated. |
| It sounds
|
| Kind of gurgling. |
| And he’s lost both his legs… Guess he won’t be screaming
|
| Much longer…
|
| God I wished that I had a grenade or something, so I could end his misery
|
| Right now
|
| Well, even if I had a grenade, I doubt that I would be able to hurl it to
|
| Him. |
| I’ve been holding most of my entrails back with one hand, since darkness
|
| Fell. |
| Irony of ironies — the German that opened my stomach knew the trick with
|
| The field shovel, too. |
| Or maybe he wasn’t German at all. |
| They have a Hungarian
|
| penal legion
|
| Posted along the line. |
| Maybe he was one of them?
|
| I crushed his head with my respirator canister. |
| Never thought of that as a
|
| Weapon, but in the heat of close combat, anything will do… I’ve seen
|
| Soldiers gouge each other’s eyes with bare hands… And I saw a boy, no more
|
| Than fifteen or sixteen, rip a Germans throat out with his teeth
|
| It is madness! |
| Mere animals clawing at each other
|
| Now in the breaks between the drumfires, I can hear the enemy mustering in
|
| Their trenches. |
| I can hear the sucking sound of boots being yanked out of
|
| The knee-deep clay, and the dry clanging of a water-cooled MG being
|
| Reloaded. |
| The next charge can’t be far off, and yet still fear eludes me.
|
| For the
|
| First time in weeks, I’m certain of what’s going to happen
|
| When the sun rises and hardens the clay, I’ll be here no longer. |
| The same
|
| Numbness I felt in train has returned, and I know my time is at hand
|
| Guess I’ll be screaming no more… |