Lyrics The Man With No Face - Ian Dury

The Man With No Face

I first got the case of the man with no face, one evening in August last year
A telephone call told me nothing at all, and I made an appointment with fear
She was dressed to the nines on Parisian lines, her features were winsome and
cool
She stuck half a grand in my hot little hand which is more than I get as a rule
I tried to look wise as she plied me with lies about husbands and random young
men
And when she was through I said, «Bollocks to you, you’re talking to Lavatory
Len»
«You're not some poor tart who had a bad start, you’re in with the heavy
brigade»
«You're up to some skank and to be very frank, I’m useless with shooters and
blades»
«To tell you the truth», she said, «I need a good sleuth to save me from murder
or jail»
«I've got over a ton of Kabul Number One and the victim of theft on my tail
I’m the private dick
I’m the private face
I’m the private eye
In the private place
She said, «He's the real snag, he’s the King of the Blag and he’s known to be
hard on the chase»
«He stays in the shade when he’s plying his trade and they call him the man
with no face»
With no more ado, I said, «No fucking thank you», and I started to show her the
door
When into my day stepped a man dressed in grey whose face was a mask — nothing
more
He made it quite clear that he wanted his gear by jobbing me straight in the
chops
It isn’t much fun when the business gets done, but it’s ever so nice when it
stops
Whereupon I offered him coke which by way of a joke was a mixture of acid and
smack
Like a jolly good sport he had a huge snort and was very soon flat on his back
I’m the private face
Reach for the sky
I’m the private dick
In the private eye
So we had it away for a year and a day with a three-ton truck and a tent
Our large lump of hash made us bundles of cash, 'cos we sold some wherever we
went
And I ain’t heard no trace of the man with no face, and I hope that’s just how
it stays
'Cos we’ve got enough dope to be able to cope with our needs for the rest of
our days
I’m the private dick
I’m the private face
I’m the private eye
In the private place