| Mr. Schneebly, perhaps you’re not familiar with this kind of instituion.
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| Let me explain something to you.
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| Here at Horace Green, our name has come to mean pure excellence in every sense
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| Which we comandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee
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| When they write those checks
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| Each parent here expects
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| Their child to earn a high return
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| And because they do, the pressure’s on for you and me
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| Here at Horace Green
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| We rule the rankings
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| Lead in funding
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| Test right off the chart
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| Greatness is routine, the Board demands it
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| Or we will both be ripped apart.
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| Oh, no worries with me. |
| If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em. |
| Real hard.
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| There is no corporal punishment.
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| But you do spank 'em though, right?
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| Eh?
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| No.
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| At our hallowed school the children, as a rule, learn discipline
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| We drill it in
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| With, as you might guess, the fear of doing less than well
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| While they’re in our care we tenderling prepare them to compete
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| With the elite
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| Till they are dispersed to Harvard, or at worst, Cornell.
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| Here at Horace Green
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| We take top honors
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| Crush our rivals
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| Wear the prep-school crown
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| There’s no in between
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| We get results here
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| Or the alums will hunt us down
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| Here at Horace Green
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| We stick to custom
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| Keep on schedule
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| Do what must be done
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| Don’t and it will mean I go ballistic!
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| Right.
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| Then that’s all.
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| Good luck, have fun! |