| Can’t bear this strain any longer, I tell you no, Gloria
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| Can’t bear this strain any longer, I tell you no, Gloria
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| You promised to marry me in the month of May
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| Now you try to run away, if it’s the last thing I have to do
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| Gloria my darling I’m begging you
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| Please marry me Gloria, darling can’t you see Gloria
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| With all your faults, I want you like a long dose of Epsom salts
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| I’d like to be a bachelor
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| Before I met Gloria
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| I don’t know what she did to me
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| Some people think I’m crazy
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| Some say it’s the treatment, some say it’s this and that
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| Some say she’s a diplomat, I don’t care what the case may be
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| Come darling let’s join in matrimony
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| So please marry me Gloria, darling can’t you see Gloria
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| My belly does boil, I want you like a bad dose of castor oil
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| You said you loved me but you lied
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| My friend saw you with another guy
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| And now you have me in a state
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| With all the doubts you create
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| Soon as I turned my back you were on the go
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| Gloria girl I tell you no, and I beg you not to forget
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| A promise to me is more than a debt
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| So please marry me Gloria, sweetheart can’t you see Gloria
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| You must understand, I want you like a cop wants a wanted man
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| Gloria is my only girl
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| My only hope in this world
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| Give me your hand and say you do
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| Come back to me I’m telling you
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| I want you to have and hold until death we part
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| Please don’t try to break my heart
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| I say stop all this stupidness darling and seal it now with a kiss
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| Please marry me Gloria, darling can’t you see Gloria
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| You lovely flower bud, I love you like a pig loves a pool of mud |