| Christmas comes but once a year
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| And mostly it is swell
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| But there’s an epidemic
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| That I think we all know well
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| Your smile is frozen open
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| There’s a crazed look in your eye
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| You overflow with compliments
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| While trying to deny
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| That you loathe the gift you opened
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| Though you try to keep your grace
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| Your scary grin is frozen
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| Don’t you know you’ve got a case of
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| Present face (x4)
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| Oh… thank you so much!
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| You really hoped your parents would
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| Give you a great big check
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| Instead, you got a puffy painted
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| Hummingbird turtleneck
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| You hoped for an engagement ring
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| Inside that tiny box
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| But your asshole former future husband
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| Only bought you socks
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| Now your face is all contorted
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| As you’re trying to erase
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| The truth behind your smile
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| Don’t you know you’ve got a case of
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| Present face (x4)
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| Oh… No, I really like it, it’s cool, I love it…
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| Do they see how much I hate it?
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| I hope that they don’t know
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| I can’t tell if they’re onto me
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| Oh, please don’t let it show
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| Baby Jesus got some gold
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| What all infants prefer
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| I bet he got the present face
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| With francencence and myhrr
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| Christmas and his birthday
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| Are both on the 25th
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| It must have sucked to have to open
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| Combination gifts
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| If Jesus couldn’t hide it
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| From his omnipresent place
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| You and I are doomed
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| To an everlasting case of
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| Present face (You shouldn’t have)
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| Present face (Just what I wanted)
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| Present Face (For all the times I go fishing)
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| Present face |