| I always liked how your hands looked
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| And not just in comparison to mine
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| They were an artist’s hands
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| Calloused from building walls and
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| Skin covered in clay that cracked as it dried
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| You see, I have two thoughts
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| Before touching someone’s hands
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| Are they soft? |
| I hope not
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| Not too soft
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| Because four years ago I fell into a hole
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| So as soon as they touch
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| I wonder if they’re strong enough
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| To help pull me to the top
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| And are they cold? |
| God, I hope so
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| Because mine are so cold
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| That anytime someone touches them
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| They ask me if something’s wrong
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| I know that most people have walls but
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| I just don’t think mine are the same
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| You are hiding away
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| I am trying to escape
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| I am inside of a cave
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| Trying to retain the memory
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| Of the last time that I saw the light of the day
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| And I told you that where I am felt permanent
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| And you told me to give it time because nothing is
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| But the minute our hands touched I felt something click
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| Because they were strong
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| With the force to dig your nails into the earth
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| And make the world suddenly stop
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| And they were cold
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| Like the metal gears and glass casing
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| Constructing a clock
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| And I know that I’m not moving fast enough
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| I know that so much time has already passed us up
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| And I know that it must be frustrating to stand in front
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| Of someone who keeps promising you that they’ll get better
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| Without the evidence to back it up
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| But you have to trust me
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| The past is ugly
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| But I’ll make it to the other side as long as I know
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| That when I get there I’ll have somebody
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| Please, I know that I can do this
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| I just need another half a month
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| I can pull through this
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| I just need our hands to touch
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| You said that you would always look for me in the crowd
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| With the same eagerness that a child sifts through the lost and found
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| Searching for anything that felt missing
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| Never considering what would happen the moment you stopped
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| As if the moment you’re not looking for an object
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| Is the moment it stops being lost
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| I get it, you were cold
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| But I wanted to be more than just a coat
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| Clinging onto a body that I was never constructed to hold
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| Or a mirror to look into when your reflection
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| Stopped looking like a person that you know
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| I know that you know the feeling of new clothes
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| But do you know what it’s like
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| To sit at the bottom of a box every night
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| Replaying the fantasy of cold hands reaching inside
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| To take you home
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| You said you felt lost when you were found out
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| The death of our hands on your couch
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| Was the birth of discovery
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| That someone elses hands
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| Could feel cold
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| And in that sudden rush
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| I thought of all the hands
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| That could help me build a home
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| And none of them looked like yours |