| HARRY:
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| JESUS, that was terrific! |
| I’ve never experienced anything quite like that in a
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| theater before! |
| How 'bout you, RHONDA?
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| RHONDA:
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| You’re a worm, HARRY. |
| Drop dead. |
| God, you’re disgusting! |
| Don’t touch me! |
| YUCK!
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| What is this scum on your chest? |
| Did that little rubber MAMMY 'do something'
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| on you?
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| THING-FISH: (alarmed)
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| OB’DEWLLA! |
| You lil' vagrant! |
| What you been up to wit de chump over deahh?
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| Lemme see yo' draw’s! |
| Uh-HUHHHH! |
| Jes' couldn’t hep y’seff, could ya! |
| Pheww!
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| You best be washin' dat thang off, dahlin'! |
| I knows we’s sposed ta be
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| un-DESTRUCTABLE, but what you got ripenin' down dere be puttin' us all to DE
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| TEST! |
| Yow!
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| The EVIL PRINCE tap-dances over to THING-FISH, HARRY & RHONDA
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| EVIL PRINCE: (fake Broadway singing)
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| Pers’nally, dahlin', I found de pre-formnence Wit de brief-case To be
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| un-creedably stim-u-lat-nin'!
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| RHONDA:
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| Eat shit, you overbearing male chauvinist member of the scientific community!
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| THING-FISH:
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| What a sweet lil' hunk o' heaven she growed up t’be! |
| When she were deflateable,
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| she dint say nothin'…jes kept her face open like dis… waitin' fo de salami
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| dat never 'rived! |
| Now she fuckin' de briefcase, dumpin' de paper all over de
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| flo', hair up in a ugly ol' bun, fountain pen danglin' out her asshole,
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| an' talkin' dirty to a member o' de ROYAL FAM’LY!
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| Girl! |
| Dis cocksucker mights be EVIL, but he AM a PRINCE! |
| Now he be talkin' de
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| vernak-luh, I’s findin' it consid’rubly mo' cornvemient to in- demnify wit his
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| 'point-o-view!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Sho' nuff! |
| Um-hmm! |
| Yeah! |
| You a WISE ol' MAMMY! |
| Where you fum, 'rijnlyy?
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| THING-FISH:
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| Why… uh…SAINT LOOMIS!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Goddam! |
| I knew it! |
| I knew it! |
| I could jes' make it out from yo' renunciation!
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| Sho' get hot down deahh in de summer time!
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| THING-FISH:
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| DAT no lie… people be croakin' all over de fuckin' place! |
| I sees y’all like
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| dat sort o' thang… jedgin' fum yo' wa’d-robe, y’all be WELL INTO death 'n
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| pestilence 'n shit! |
| Prob’ly got yo-seff quite some 'spensive educashnin' goin'
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| fo ya!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Oh yeah! |
| Oh yeah! |
| Heh-heh! |
| Saint Loomis! |
| Damn! |
| Some de ZOMBY-FOLK up de
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| lab-mo-tory got kin deah!
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| THING-FISH:
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| Naw! |
| Really? |
| Cain’t be!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Oh hell yeah! |
| De ugly dead muthafucker on de string deahh… he related to a
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| buncha other ugly dead muthafuckers fum de East Side…'n de curly-headed sho’t
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| lil' ugly dead muthafucker wit de dead dog been fuckin' de police commissioner!
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| THING-FISH:
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| How you know so much 'bouts what gwine on down deahh, you EVIL COCKSUCKER!
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| Y’all been stayin' quite well un-formed fum bein' in de lab-mo-tory most yo'
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| time!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Jes' might distress yo ass to loin dat on de way home fum de SAN QUENTIM 'tater
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| mashin' 'speri- ment, me 'n de country westin muzishnins' drop by de college to
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| receive an honorary degree!
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| THING-FISH:
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| You lyin', boy! |
| Dey givin' degrees in 'TATER HUSBANDRY' back de ol' alma-motta!
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| EVIL PRINCE:
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| Dat ALL dey givin' any mo'! |
| Muthafuckin' 'TATER HUSBANDRY' be de wave o' de
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| futchum in Saint Loomis! |
| Graduatin' class were over 700, 'n evvy one of 'em
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| dealin' wit dem 'taters like de shrimp-murderers down at Benny-Hanny's!
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| THING-FISH: (looking down at OB’DEWLLA)
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| What? |
| Huh? |
| You wanna what? |
| OB’DEWLLA, de PRINCE jes' be shootin' de home-town
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| shit heahh! |
| He ain’t gwine give us no mo' provlem! |
| What you mean, girl?
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| Okay, okay! |
| Go 'head 'n fuck de lil' CRAB-GRASS BABY wit de enormous white
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| pompadour! |
| Go on deah. |
| Git down wit yo' nasty lil' ol' degenerate seff!
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| THING-FISH puts the CRAB-GRASS BABY on the floor and positions OB’DEWLLA over
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| it. |
| He places his foot on OB’DEWLLA’S back and pumps both of them up and down.
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| As the computer- speech drones on, THING-FISH watches the spectacle,
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| commenting…
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| THING-FISH: (contd.)
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| Twist 'n shout! |
| Work it on out ('n in)! |
| Hmmm! |
| Get down! |
| Go on! |
| Give him a
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| little shoe! |
| Dat’s what Denny be doin'…work on Jumbo evvy time! |
| Go on!
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| Get de lil' pompadour up in de air again! |
| I like dat part! |
| Hmmm!
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| Jes' like de Olympics!
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| HARRY:
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| It’s-it's fascinating the way things are resolving themselves around here!
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| I-I never would have sus- pected anything like this when we came in! |
| RHONDA:
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| Where are your real clothes, HARRY? |
| Are you going back to Long Island like that?
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| HARRY:
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| I have nothing to be ashamed of! |
| I have a LOVELY body. |
| Everyone will understand!
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| I’ve-I've ACCOM- PLISHED something tonight! |
| I really believe that!
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| I’ve found a sort of fulfilment other men only DREAM about!
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| RHONDA: (naked, re-stuffing the briefcase)
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| You’ve accomplished NOTHING! |
| NOTHING AT ALL! |
| You’re a MERE WORM…
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| less than that… you're a useless ALL-AMERICAN 'MAN-WORM'! |
| The most disgusting
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| creature on the face of the earth. |
| Phooey on you! |
| Worms like you would be
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| NOTHING without ME and MY KIND! |
| WE are THE FUTURE, HARRY! |
| Not you!
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| WE don’t need YOU and YOUR KIND, because OUR KIND is THE BEST KIND!
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| MAN-KIND is SHIT, HARRY! |
| OUR KIND will get rid of YOUR KIND, just like wiping
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| off this fountain pen, HARRY! |
| Smell it quick, you submissive little cocksucker,
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| 'cause I’m wiping it off… any minute now!
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| THIS IS SYMBOLISM, HARRY! |
| Really DEEP, INTENSE, THOUGHT-PROVOKING BROADWAY
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| SYMBOLISM! |
| THIS ISN’T 'DREAM GIRLS', HARRY! |
| This is the way it REALLY IS…
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| I’m talking to you, HARRY! |
| WE HATE YOU! |
| WE are MODERN, HARRY! |
| You are not
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| 'MODERN'! |
| Worms are not MODERN!
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| While YOU became LAWYERS and ACCOUNTANTS, and read PLAYBOY and bought a pipe,
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| WE PLANNED and DREAMED and FUCKED OUR BRIEFCASES while you weren’t looking!
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| Yes, HARRY! |
| That’s right! |
| And we’ve actually been able to REPRODUCE OURSELVES
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| THAT WAY… FOR YEARS, HARRY, but YOU NEVER KNEW! |
| Did you? |
| You worm
|
| We had SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES made… by WOMEN OPTOMETRISTS who promised NEVER
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| to TELL!
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| We learned how to hide SECRET STUFF, wrapped up in the middle of those severe
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| terminal BUNS we wear! |
| Little TRANSMITTERS, HARRY! |
| Little RECEIVERS! |
| Oh…
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| don’t pretend to be surprised, HARRY! |
| We even had ROOM LEFT OVER in there for
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| all of our most favorite little embroidered delicate secretly feminine
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| child-like helpless pathetic sentimental totally useless PERSONAL 'GIRL-THINGS'
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| that smell like the stuff they put in the toilet paper. |
| You played GOLF!
|
| You watched FOOTBALL! |
| You drank BEER! |
| We EVOLVED! |
| We only look like WANDAS and
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| RHONDAS! |
| We are SUPERB, HARRY! |
| We are SUBLIME! |
| We are perfect in EVERY WAY!
|
| And you? |
| What are you? |
| You are the all-American cocksucker… jizzing all over
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| your leather cocksucker costume after beating the snot out of yourself with a
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| rubber MAMMY!
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| I simply can’t respect you, HARRY! |
| You are NO GOOD. |
| Go ahead! |
| Smell the pen!
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| Go on… I'm wip- ing it HARRY… there you go… |