| «Today boys and girls we have a special speaker in the house tonight
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| And he’s gonna teach you about life and death»
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| I was born a God damn failure
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| Dropped outta school, let me tell ya
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| Found me a nickel and lost a dime
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| My whole life story came true in a rhyme
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| I don’t know what the fuck was on my mind
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| I tried suicide 4 or 5 times
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| Tried to take a razor to my wrist but it didn’t work
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| And it seems I’m the only one that’s gettin' hurt
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| Now I gotta bullet in the chamber, dripping sweat
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| I decide to play a game of Russian Roulette
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| Click, click, click I guess I loose I didn’t win
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| So I decide to do it again and again
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| Now it’s gettin' borin' cause I keep on loosin'
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| I guess I’m kinda cruisin' for a bruisin'
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| Then I take a knife and put a 6 in my head
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| 3 times then I say I wish I was dead
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| Blood drippin' off my forehead
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| And then I’m lyin' in my deathbed, but I’m not dead
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| I gotta headache so I’m gettin' somethin' for it see
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| I take some Tylenols, about 23
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| So what you wanna follow me
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| I got 13 ways to commit suicide
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| Who would like to hang from a tree?
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| «I would I would,» then listen close to me
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| You get some sturdy rope and put it 'round your neck
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| Tie a real good knot, or the shit won’t work
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| It’s best to put it in a noose
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| Just incase you have second thoughts you can’t get loose
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| Now we’re at number 6
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| This a real goody no special effects or countertricks
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| Tie a big rock to your foot no mistakes
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| Then jump your ass in a deep lake
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| Get yourself some gas, then drink that shit
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| Then drink some more, then you smoke the cigarette
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| Or better yet, get real drunk and take a real long drive
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| On the freeway down the wrong side
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| Brother you’re bound to make a hit
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| It’s like lettin' a pitbull suck a dick
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| So if you wanna follow me
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| I got 13 ways to commit suicide
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| Now we’re on number 11
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| Did you know suicidalists didn’t go to heaven?
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| 'No where they go man?" take another guess
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| Matter fact take another suicidal test
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| This is what you do man
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| Go jump your monkey ass off a real tall building
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| And then you live through that one
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| You get reincarnated mean you get to come back son
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| But I seriously doubt that
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| Cause you been tryin' to kill yourself you don’t give a shit about that
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| All you wanna do is die
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| Maybe motherfuckers kill themselves but don’t know why
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| But I know why I’m teachin' you this
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| «Why?» |
| Should you have to kill yourself, you don’t miss
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| To prevent a miss, you put a gun in your mouth
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| And blow your fuckin' brains out
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| Fuck your mommy, fuck your daddy, nobody cares
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| Look how they treated you over the years
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| What you oughta do is kill them then you
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| A suicidalist dream come true
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| So if you wanna follow me
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| I got 13 ways to commit suicide |